Alright Treacle? Yes, it’s another Unofficial Mills review, and today’s it’s Monday… fabulous.
It’s an emotional week at Radio 1, not only was Chappers touched by Scott’s efforts on Mastermind (it’s likely to have brought a tear to his eye) but Colin and Edith are no more as of this week. Colin’s now going to be hosting his late night love show on Radio 1 in the evenings. Scott thinks he’s got just the right voice for that sort show, whilst Chappers hopes everyone texts in love song requests on his first show.
Celebrity Mastermind – It’s the show everyone’s talking about
So if you weren’t listening to yesterday’s chart show (where were you?). On Friday Scott went to record Mastermind, and ended up being first in the line-up before the likes of Bernie Nolan, Iain Lee and Jimmy Mcgovern. The lights were lowered, the theme tune came on, and John Humphries spoke. By this point Scott was papping himself. More so than he was on Thursday when the world was coming out of his arse. He did the walk of shame where no one is allowed to clap, but some fool did, and so it had to be recorded again. Scott managed a respectable 10 points for his chosen topic of Prisoner Cell Block H. There was then a break where Scott discussed Flirt Divert with John, and Scott suggested selling the format to Radio 4. It’d go down well on the station, don’t you think? Then the general knowledge questions, which were ‘much harder than everyone elses’, or so that’s what everyone told him.
Bernie Nolan speaks to Jono… But not me… Don’t you just hate it when co-hosts get in the pictures!
Scott managed to get five in that section. This meant he had become joint third with Bernie Nolan. Technically it’s last, but it’s a time when we’re trying not to mention fails as being a bad thing – exam results and everything, so it’s all good. Poor Bernie Nolan got on quite well with Scott. They supported each other throughout the show, but when Bernie wanted to go on Scott’s show, he some how managed to slip her the Flirt Divert number by accident.
Something not mentioned by Scott yesterday is that the show will be airing in December. So no need to start watching Mastermind for him just yet!
Record of the Week
This week’s Record of the Week is that infamous ‘sex’ song by Lola called ‘No Strings’. It’s split the nation like a banana. 15 year old Zoe called up saying that she heard the song in the car with her mother, and she was very embarrassed. She demands a warning each time the song is played. A very annoying voice, but sounded quite cute. At the same time though, one 59 year old called in loving the song. It’s dead romantic supposedly. It’s about casual sex though, that’s like saying Daphne and Celeste were romantic.
You ate the food, you drank the wine…
Scott’s usually one for brief stories. But not this one. This story comes from a girl called Joanne in America about internet dating. She met a guy called Darren who advertised himself as ‘cute, tall and funny’. He works in finance and travels a lot for both money and pleasure. So you’d think he’s quite well off, especially when you hear he took Joanne to an expensive restaurant in New York – China Grill. They got on quite well, and when it came to paying for the meal, Joanna offered to pay half, but he refuses to take it, and pays for it all. What a gentleman.
But then there’s a twist, as Joanne told Darren she’d call him. She didn’t. You’d get the idea that perhaps Joanne didn’t like Darren as much as he thought. In the studio Chappers said she’d have sent her a stroppy e-mail by now, whilst Laura said if she was Darren she’d have left things as they were. There seems to be a bit of Chappers in Darren, as he then e-mailed Joanna demanding the $50 back – her half of the meal. Joanne ignored him, but then he called her leaving an answer phone message. He was disappointed in her, and continued to ask for the $50.
Joanne goes to work, and finds yet another e-mail. She replies saying that she offered to pay her half, but after receiving these e-mails found it all tacky, and was annoyed by the whole set-up and so won’t be paying him the money. Darren then replies with a copy of the credit card bill, telling her to ‘do the right thing’. Four hours later she gets another answer phone message suggesting he wants to take her to court over it.
She replies, calling him a creep, and saying if he keeps it up she’ll get a restraining order put on him. He calls her again, talking about more legal proceedings.
Darren: “You ate the food, you drank the wine, kindly pay your dinner”
The new loan service wasn’t taking off… eat now, pay later…
28 minutes he calls again saying he’d called the China Grill restaurant asking for things to be settled nicely. There was then an answer phone message from China Grill about sorting out the bill, and were sounding just as confused. Joanne decided to call the restaurant and explain the situation. They apologised, telling her not to worry about it, and have offered her a free drink. And that’s where the story ended, and Darren bothered her no more.
So what was the deal with Darren? We’re not sure. The meal in total was $127.83 including a $20 tip he gave. It hardly sounds like he needs the money. Personally I think I’d have not paid the money, but arranged for him to have a $50 meal somewhere, so he doesn’t actually have the cash in hand. But you wouldn’t demand your money back for a meal with a date that didn’t work out, would you? Well it seems some people have had similar experiences, and one poor girl wasn’t thinking straight, and went ahead and paid. One caller said that his cousin went on a similar style of blind date, and rather than the date making a gesture to not pay the meal, he got out a calculator to work out half! What do you think of the whole situation? Tell us on our Scott Mills forum.
Flirt Divert
After hearing that story you’d imagine the rest of the show was going to be nice and simple. Oh no. There were more slimeballs on Flirt Divert tonight. It’s a number that every one who listens to Radio 1 should have in their phone. 07770 756 408. A guy called Gary was on, thanking Michelle and her mother for the night, after Michelle had given him some money. What was that for? The mind boggles! There were more practical jokes as Martin had ordered three tonnes of horse manure, and got somebody to deliver it to someone who doesn’t want it. To top it all off Martin gave the guy the Flirt Divert number. And scarily there was blood all over the bathroom floor in one message, so a concerned guy was calling a girl to ask her if she was alright. He’ll never know why, nor will we. Perhaps we should get The Bill’s Bernie Nolan on to the case. But it seems it was a bit more innocent than what it sounds. I don’t think it’s an actual murder; rumour has it Auntie Ruby had visited. JJ on the forum thinks she was just preparing to paint the town red. This reminded Scott of the hilarious story about the girl who left a poo in a bag for her date after spending a night with him. That’s in our archives if you want to hear it.
Also on today’s show…
A Madonna fan was on, who was off to one of her gigs tonight. Scott advised fans go in bikinis or speedos as it’s so hot there. Another texter wanted to know if you need the day off work the next day, just like Scott. Scott says that’s so mean, as he was ill, and says he might have passed the illness on to Jo Whiley, who he had to innocently touch for a photo shoot last week…
Does this shot seem innocent to you? And does she appear to be naked? Might explain things…
The team were also confused as to what’s been happening with Chris Moyles and his competition winners for the Six Weeks of Summer. On Friday evening she was recorded saying Moyles was far too showbiz for her liking, but by last night she said he had influenced her life so much! Fill in the blanks on that one…
Scott: “Answers on a postcard please!”
It’s been two years since the first time they sent out Laura for social experiments on the streets. This time Laura is going back out on the streets as a nun. Tune in tomorrow, as Laura is back in the habit.
An excellent show today, full of banter, funny and good to have Laura and Chappers on form too. As we’d been discussing on the forum, there’s been a slight bad patch of shows after the pizza guy calls, but it seems as though the show is back in shape, and with little reliance on prank calls. All of our reviews are available on_our_forum where you can leave comments about them. Or you can chat about the show as it happens in our ‘your views’ topics.
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