Today's jingles were in a mess as Scott hadn't managed to send off the scripts to Music4 who create the jingles. Instead he messed with them and produced jingles like this:
"Happy Monday to you people, it’s Scott Mills in for Chris,
It's warm under your duvet; don’t let the cold air in,
Hello if you're tuned in, in your car or shower,
Now last night Scott might have had a little too much to drink…
The Chris Moyles Show with Scott Mills 'cos Chris is on Holiday… National Radio 1"
"Chris Moyles works very hard; he does ten hours a day,
Your host is Scott Mills, if he's new to you then hello,
Now it's time to rise and shine and get up from your pit,
Head for your uni bar tonight and have a load of beers…
The Chris Moyles Show with Scott Mills 'cos Chris is on Holiday… National Radio 1"
"Bacon, sausage, egg, fried egg, mushrooms, and beans,
They love early mornings, or at least that's what they say,
Why would we be tired? Anyone would think,
He loves early mornings like Chris Moyles loves cake…
The Chris Moyles Show… National Radio 1"
He was hoping no one notice, well I certainly didn't, until one eagle eared listener called in asking Scott what was wrong. There was the first cock-up of the morning with a jingle at 9.30 when it stopped half way through. That's not a criticism – it's the first cock-up I've heard in ages from Scott.
Scott was flicking through the television listings last night and noticed Lost is still showing on Channel 4 and E4.
Scott: "It's on every Wednesday and Sunday… who's got that much time to commit? Ahh, Laura… and Jo Whiley"
Chappers: "Did it not start in 2004?"
Scott: "It's been on for like 8 years… you bunch of geeks!"
The detoxes were on this morning, with many listeners on water and jogging around their area. Matthew on the phone used to smoke, and is trying to detox, was finding it great. Laura is also trying to give up smoking, but was trying to get away with smoking at the pub.
Chappers and Scott at Christmas hadn't brought each other a present, but Chappers had decided this morning he would. Scott seemed a bit shocked, as he hadn't got Chappers anything but was even more shocked when he opened it. The DVD was 'the boys of Radio 1' which seems a lot dodgier compared to 'Shape up with Chappers'. It's in all good DVD shops now. A lot of people had been complaining they haven't seen the DVD, here Scott explains –
Scott: "That's because you were looking under C for Chappers, you need to look under B for Boys…"
Chappers: "Good luck with that one"
Buy a star – what happens if it ends up a shooting star? Do you get a refund?
Sarah would gladly swap her rubbish Christmas present she got this year from her boyfriend for the DVD. She got a star, which is one of the most popular presents off t'internet that you could buy. It was named after her, but what can you actually do with a bit of moon or star? She's been going out with him for 4 weeks, but it doesn't look like it'll make a 5th week. So Scott opened up the lines and texts for listeners to try and win themselves this (rubbish) prize. Within minutes 326 people wanted it. Shayne wanted the star 'Sarah' for his girlfriend, who ironically was called Karen. Have fun looking in the sky for that my friend. Scott joked you can imagine talking to your grand children about the star in decades to come.
But it got worse, one guy rang in saying a third world village got a goat on their behalf for Christmas. You don't get any pictures, and it doesn't call at Easter, but they did get a card. There's no fun in that really is there?
The audience thought they were scraping the barrel to find girls that looked like the Pussy Cat Dolls
Elsewhere Scott had an appeal to make about a Pussycat Dolls tribute band who are appearing in the South. He wanted to hear from the girls. One guy called in saying he'd seen these girls, and they've been going a couple of months and got in touch with Scott. The act is called 'Good Girls Turn Bad' but Scott doesn't advise you use Google for that as you'll end up with some interesting results. Not a good start for your first day back at work.
Flirt Divert
So we've had a week or so since Flirt Divert's mailbox was last checked. Most of the messages were coming in from New Year's Eve. First on the answerphone was a very sorry girl who was apologising about the night before, hoping the person could forgive her. The second was a guy who was living the plot of Dude Where's My Car. He remembers swapping phone numbers the other night, but seemed to have lost his car and keys. He remembers seeing his car the other night in the pub, and it has pink fluffy dice inside. His dad is starting to get worried now. And the third caller was a poet, who "lifted the words off the page". Hannah on the phone to Scott had heard the 'poem' before, she'd heard them in a song by 90s boy band 'Let Loose'. It was called 'Crazy For You' and sure enough when Scott dug the song out they were the lyrics. Laura was apparently in the fan base!
Ben called in to the show this morning as he was out on New Year's Eve with the Flirt Divert number. A girl kept talking to him throughout the night, and she wasn't really the hottest girl in the club. She wanted his number, so he gave her the Flirt Divert number. The problem was she already had the number in her mobile phone and she realised and stamped on her foot. She was so heavy that she broke his little toe. But the reason why he was ringing was because he wanted to pass the blame on to Scott and the show, and wanted to sue him.
Laura's Diary
Laura's Diary was back today at 7.40am and 8.40am. Last time Laura was 14, a hussy, and was in love with two guys – Andy and Jamie. Now she's 16 and she's in college and if her life is as exciting as mine this will be good (sorry there was irony there!) It all started way back in October when Scott was discussing how wrong it was when you break into your sister's room and read their diaries. Mary off of York, Laura's sister, was back and had her American accent. Today's extracts was from the 8th April 1996, and her diary is now known as 'Alice'. She'd had to pay 25p to UNICEF for charity day at college, her skin was clear (unlike her friend's) and she got told off twice. She got fined a week’s pocket money by her dad at lunch for shoveling her food and had to eat the rest with a dessert fork. Anthony, her piano teacher, was coming over and she had to freshen up. How many people have, and use, dessert forks?
Scott: "Laura's just told me she's keeping a diary as of this year, oh my good God, we can never read those out"
Coming soon to all good book shops, if we get our way…
At 8.40, Mary was back with another installment of the diary from 9th April 1996. Laura couldn't manage to do much right; she had loads of English coursework and was feeling ill. Her piano lessons were going well with Anthony, her hand music was coming on well (g'mornin') and he was 'well young' (not Will Young). Her friend Emma said that Simon let her 'WHF' but she didn't believe her, which apparently means 'Water Her Flowers'.
Chappers: "Is she in to gardening?"
Scott: "Perhaps Jo Whiley will let me WHF"
Right now on Unofficial Mills we want to see the diaries become published as a book, if you agree sign our petition. There's more information on our homepage.
Record of the Week
This week's Record of The Week is Jo Whiley, Pete Tong and Chappers' favourite gay tune at the moment. 'Thunder in My Heart' by Meck is being played all this week on the show.
Nice to CBE you, to CBE you nice! – Pun courtesy of the tabloids
Brucie was back with his CBE and back on the Scott Mills Show for Carpark Price is Right but sadly no knighthood for him yet. This is the game that parodies Carpark Catchphrase – which was disgracefully axed from Radio 1 at Christmas. Maybe Roy and Brucie can team up?
"What exactly do you do Chappers?"
Today's callers were the 'Carlisle girls' from Carlisle and Rob from Boston.
Brucie: "I have a friend who lives there… Paul Micok"
Scott: "Do you know him?"
(Carlisle Girls Laugh)
Chappers: "Sounds like you do!"
Brucie: "She sounds like a right trollop"
The first prize today was a hand-held BD which was just £14. The second was a 'Go Away' doormat to get rid of salesmen and bailiffs. The true price of this was £21. The third and final prize was the 'bulge' suitable for those finding themselves a bit cold in swimming pools (Chappers knows what he means). It makes things look a bit larger underneath your trunks.
Brucie: "I'd love one of them myself!"
The product was a bargain at just £10.99 and the Carlisle girls some how managed to walk away with all three prizes. There's more Carpark Price is Right tomorrow just before 10.
Jono's Final Thoughts
Good to have Scott back on the Breakfast Show, although as I've said on the forum, I think the show could do with something else as it seemed like Scott was trying to fill the time with banter about the schedule during the last 10 minutes. All in all though, a good show.
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