Winter bulking stalls immediately
Scott returned at the beginning of December after promising to begin a season of serious “winter bulking”. Chris had expected cupboards full of mince pies, festive bakes and heavy meals, but Scott was already delaying the plan because he did not feel hungry enough.
The contradiction became worse when Scott disclosed a relatively healthy pulled-pork meal. Chris proposed increasingly literal pulled foods, while listeners suggested coffee made entirely with butter. A festive bake at 3pm was agreed as the minimum acceptable effort.
Scott had also returned to Strictly Come Dancing to record its Christmas special. He refused an attempt to bring back the complete crab costume, although the programme would later find another way of restoring the dance.
Jack and Dean replace Chris at Bingo
Chris had a cold and was excused from Innuendo Bingo to avoid spraying it across the guests. YouTubers Jack and Dean stepped in at short notice and protected their filming clothes with bin bags.
The clips included Susie Perry discussing Lewis Hamilton’s helmet, George Clarke revealing the full size of a pond after two hours of pumping, and a Radio 4 invitation to email about anything listeners had not put in their mouths. Chris watched from the side and discovered that judging other people’s technique was considerably less satisfying than taking part.
David refuses to enter the pool
Listener David had stopped swimming after hearing that his local leisure centre secretly held a nude session. The story had reached him through a friend of a friend and appeared to be supported by an “adult lanes” entry and occasional private functions on the timetable.
Scott called the centre. The receptionist firmly explained that adult lanes meant ordinary lane swimming and that private bookings were used by schools and swimming clubs. There had never been a nudist night.
David remained uneasy about shared pool water but accepted that the rumour was false and promised to return. Scott was delighted by how quickly one phone call had restored somebody’s hobby.
Alan Dedicoat brings festive facts
Charlie Sloth joined Alan Dedicoat for Real or No Real. Annie Nightingale and Alan Carr really were showbiz friends, Labyrinth had inserted Gregorian chanting into “Earthquake” after a dare, and Nutella used a quarter of the world’s hazelnuts.
The programme ended by teasing the return of its relationship transfer deadline. Anyone already considering a break-up would soon be asked to act before Christmas rather than ruin the festive period.
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