Chris reports from his new television job
Scott was presenting alone because Chris had arrived four hours early at a television studio. He had been made a team captain on E4 panel show Virtually Famous, hosted by Kevin McHale from Glee, and was beginning to wonder why anybody had trusted him with the role.
Scott rang the studio and asked Kevin to remind Chris throughout the day not to mess it up. Chris wanted practical advice about where to look, what to say and how to compete with comedians who could fire out jokes. Scott told him to watch the other panellists, avoid staring into the camera and answer the questions. A disastrous Family Fortunes contestant who replied “turkey” to everything provided a warning of what not to do.
Even football expert Chris Waddle had now supplied the programme’s favourite goat-like “who” noise during a Radio 5 Live discussion of England’s tactics. Chris Stark ended the call delighted that the sound had reached serious sports broadcasting and considerably less certain about his own television debut.
Hearts Upon Our Sleeve is not tarnished
Listeners said that “Hearts Upon Our Sleeve” now reminded them of England’s poor World Cup and that the song must have been bad luck because England and Australia were both out. Scott rejected the verdict. Five Seconds of Summer were Australian and he was English, but the record had always been a generic anthem for every team rather than a promise that either country would win.
A gibbon takes to Centre Court
Wimbledon had again produced loud grunts from players including Victoria Azarenka, Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams, Michelle Larcher de Brito and Carlos Berlocq. Scott revived Animal Tennis, mixing those noises with animals and treating the result as a live rally.
Listener Holly requested Serena against an ape. Jim chose Alan Dedicoat against a gibbon. Maria Sharapova played the “who” goat, whose cry sounded so similar that it was difficult to tell who had won. Brian asked for the Churchill insurance dog against Alan Dedicoat, producing an entire exchange of “oh yes” and “no”.
Scott repeatedly announced that the feature was over and then accepted another request. Travellers heading for Glastonbury asked for Serena against a horse, while somebody else wanted Greg James’s waxwork DJ to enter the draw. Pets barked at the radio, listeners complained about the grunting and Scott became increasingly embarrassed that all of this was genuinely being broadcast on Radio 1.
The mariachi band requests one more game
The Brazil v Mexico mariachi band returned in a video for “In for Grimmy”. During the commentary they had claimed to improvise songs about any subject, then played their normal repertoire while Scott announced titles involving Daniel Sturridge and other footballers over the top.
Hearing them again renewed the appeal for another Red Button match. Scott asked for just one more game and assured BBC Sport that the tournament still had several weeks left, a detail he of course already knew.
Calls from Glastonbury traffic supplied the rest of the afternoon. Groups were unsure where they were beyond “near a lot of fields”, planned to pitch tents and open cider immediately, and tried to make Scott perform yet more animal rallies.
Phil Taggart discovers Alice Levine’s police performance
Phil Taggart played Real or No Real. Judy Murray had not bought a £300 manicure to stop herself damaging her nails during Wimbledon. Alice Levine really had appeared on East Midlands Today when she was younger, dancing to Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” in front of police officers. Phil confirmed that his co-presenter loved a man in uniform.
Johnny Depp really was reported to use discount sites such as Groupon and Wowcher, including for a bargain barbecue. Eminem had not recruited Nate Ruess from fun. after they shared a Danish backstage at The Tonight Show. Scott and Phil finished level, leaving Phil to return to his evening show with Alice and explain why her old performance had reached daytime radio.
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