A free download with a deadline
Scott returned after spending Tuesday on a secret project and immediately resumed the campaign for “Hearts Upon Our Sleeve”. The video had attracted far more views than the free download, so he repeatedly explained that listeners needed to obtain the track through Radio 1 if they wanted their copy to count towards its official total. It would disappear the following Monday, although anybody who downloaded it in time could keep it.
Chris was beginning to resent Scott’s new position as Radio 1’s unlikely football figure. Scott and Nick Grimshaw had already discussed becoming obsessed with the World Cup over drinks, while Chris, the genuine fan, had been left out of earlier Radio 1 football events. A project that had begun partly to wind him up was giving Scott more football attention than Chris had received.
A veteran broadcaster loses his own rap
The track had spread beyond the UK. A television report from CBS in Philadelphia described 5 Seconds of Summer teaming up with the presenter the show insisted on calling “Danny Howard”. An Indonesian article translated Scott into a “veteran British broadcaster”, a description he found far less flattering than its author probably intended.
Australian station The Bump was enthusiastic about a World Cup anthem from “Australia’s very own” 5 Seconds of Summer, but introduced it as a collaboration with its friends at BBC One. More seriously, its edit removed Guy Mowbray’s opening reference to Scott and appeared to lose his rap entirely. The station then asked for Instagram likes before playing the song again. Scott appreciated the support but objected to the song being called a first radio play, the World Cup being reduced to “soccer” and his own feature being cut out.
That led to examples of commercial stations routinely removing rappers from pop records, leaving tracks such as Maroon 5’s “Payphone” or Eminem and Rihanna collaborations without half of their original performers. Scott now understood exactly how Wiz Khalifa, Flo Rida and will.i.am might feel.
The crowded field of football records
Chris reviewed rival World Cup songs. All the King’s Men had rewritten Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” with England lyrics, while another offering was barely a song at all. Scott discovered that he had accidentally appeared in the video for a rival charity record after somebody outside Radio 1 persuaded him to dance with a costumed animal.
Other contenders included an original comedy song, an anthem fronted by former EastEnders actor Neil McDermott and the Vengaboys’ “To Brazil!”. Lily Allen had simply described a new song as her unofficial World Cup offering despite it having no obvious football content. Scott concluded that his record at least contained original music, commentary, chanting and an identifiable relationship with the tournament.
Alice Levine and Diana Ross’s penalty
Alice Levine joined Real or No Real, although Scott deliberately introduced her as Barbara Windsor. Shopping centres and stations in China really did use the same Kenny G track as closing music. Longshore drift had not been invented to pad the GCSE geography syllabus, despite its near-total disappearance from adult conversation, and Phil Taggart did not keep a bucket beside his bed to avoid walking to the toilet.
The final claim concerned the 1994 World Cup opening ceremony. Diana Ross really had been expected to score a penalty while singing “I’m Coming Out”, but sent the ball wide even though the goal was designed to split apart for the celebration. The video delighted Alice and left Scott with an ideal real-life football failure. The show ended by announcing that England legend John Barnes would face Chris in Innuendo Bingo the following day.
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