Get Your Rat Out disappoints Alan Titchmarsh
A Japanese television clip had given Scott and Chris a pub idea. The programme sent a remote-controlled rat into a changing room and produced spectacular screams, so Scott bought two toy rats online and commissioned a full set of jingles for Get Your Rat Out.
Their first target was Alan Titchmarsh during a Live Lounge rehearsal. The fake animal had glowing red eyes, responded badly to its controller and looked nothing like a real rat. Titchmarsh barely reacted, stepping on it and kicking it away while continuing to prepare. One of the two toys was damaged and the expensive-sounding launch package now surrounded several seconds of almost nothing. Scott and Chris accepted that ideas conceived over drinks might need one final check before reaching the radio.
A relationship ends in real time
Chris announced that one of his friends had been dumped moments earlier for visibly looking at other women. He initially described the offence as harmless, then admitted that the man would turn fully around and stare even when his girlfriend was present. Scott argued that a brief glance and sustained attention were very different things.
Listeners supplied their own abrupt reasons for relationships ending: visiting an underwear shop, taking a bite of somebody else’s burger and appearing too interested in the dancers on Strictly Come Dancing. Chris’s practical advice was to wear sunglasses and maintain a poker face, a solution that made Scott far more suspicious of anybody wearing shades in summer.
BBC Sport makes an extraordinary decision
Scott and Chris announced that they would provide alternative commentary for Spain v Netherlands on the BBC Red Button the following Friday. Chris regarded it as one of the biggest opportunities he had received and wanted to approach it seriously. Scott asked the more fundamental question of who would choose their coverage over commentators who understood the match.
They planned to finish the afternoon show, have a couple of drinks and return for the 20:00 kick-off. Scott promised to describe what he saw and Chris hoped to supply a professional edge, although neither knew whether they would appear on screen. If the experiment worked, BBC Sport might offer them more matches. They invited listeners to suggest ideas while trying not to dwell on everything that could go wrong.
Joe and Paddy settle the Who Game
Joe, the inventor and reigning champion of the Who Game, faced Paddy in a rematch. Paddy joined by Skype from Sunny Beach in Bulgaria, where he was working as a resident DJ. After boxing-style fighting talk, they took turns naming outdated or fading people, objects and habits and greeting each with a long, mournful “who?”.
The list included Catatonia, postal orders, street parties, getting photographs developed at a chemist, jazzercise, Concorde, rainbow drops, Mr Blobby, dialling 1471, Robbie Williams’s autobiography and 24 Years at the Tap End. The contest lasted so long that each player was given one final entry. Joe chose Cilla Black and Paddy chose Crash Bandicoot. Listeners declared Joe the winner, allowing him to retain an increasingly prestigious title.
Annie Mac goes fishing with Real or No Real
Annie Mac played Real or No Real. A new Big Brother contestant really had complained immediately before entering the house that too many people wanted to become celebrities. The Kooks’ drummer had not built a miniature garden railway while waiting for the band to finish an album, although the claim led Annie to reveal her longstanding interest in fishing, inherited from her father.
Snoop Dogg really had said that he wanted to coach football in the future. The story revived memories of his visit to Radio 1, his temporary Snoop Lion identity and Chris’s painfully self-conscious pose in their photograph together. Scott and Annie finished level after a Friday round in which competitive scoring mattered far less than the image of “Annie Mackerel” fishing from rocks.
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