Scott can no longer avoid the speech jammer
Chris had suffered it. Zane Lowe had suffered it. Scott had spent weeks promising that his own turn would eventually come, and Friday finally removed his last excuse. The speech jammer fed Scott’s voice back into his headphones with a tiny delay, enough to disrupt the brain’s normal rhythm and make even simple sentences strangely slow and strained.
Chris had arranged the most uncomfortable possible test: a surprise phone call to Denise Welch, whom Scott knew but had not spoken to for years. Scott was told only to go along with whatever happened once she answered.
The delay took effect immediately. Denise asked whether Scott was all right and eventually said that if she did not know him better she would think he had been to the pub. Scott insisted he was fine while sounding increasingly unlike himself.
Scott accidentally books himself on Loose Women
With his thoughts slowed by the jammer, Scott decided the obvious thing to ask Denise was why he had never appeared on Loose Women. He wanted to meet Carol McGiffin and Andrea McLean and began enthusiastically discussing which panellists he would get on with.
Denise responded warmly and said she was sure the producers would be pleased to have him. By the time the call ended, Scott had apparently converted a speech experiment into an informal television booking.
The best part for Chris was Denise’s concern. She repeatedly checked whether somebody was with Scott and said she would call him later, evidently unsure why an old friend had suddenly telephoned sounding mildly intoxicated and asking for a spot on daytime TV.
Vanessa Feltz: the awkward aftermath
The show returned to Vanessa Feltz’s Innuendo Bingo and replayed the exact moment Chris’s water hit her full in the face. Scott had sensed a definite change in atmosphere and Chris agreed that Vanessa had become noticeably frostier with him afterwards.
Before that point she had been happily joking, confirming stories about Pete Tong and discussing clips from her own show. After the hit, Scott remembered seeing her look towards her producer as if to question what she had agreed to.
A listener then suggested turning Vanessa’s yell into a tennis grunt. The show obliged, editing her cry into a mock rally and ensuring the incident acquired an afterlife almost immediately.
Who is the new Doctor Who?
With Matt Smith’s successor due to be revealed on Sunday, Scott and Chris discussed the rumoured next Doctor. Idris Elba and Daniel Radcliffe were among the names, while the show continued its long-running habit of calling Doctor Who “Katie Waissel”.
Dr Radha happened to be in Radio 1 and was therefore recruited as an unlikely candidate. As an actual doctor she at least had the job title, although she firmly denied being about to take over the TARDIS.
The programme ended looking ahead to Monday, when Scott and Chris would move to Breakfast for two weeks while keeping the daily podcast going.
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