You Me at Six arrive for Bingo
Josh Franceschi and Max Helyer from You Me at Six came in with “Fresh Start Fever”. Josh was suffering from flu, but rejected the possibility of a sick note and agreed to play. The band’s fans were already gathering around screens, while Max anticipated a tidal wave.
Innuendo Bingo opened with a Come Dine with Me contestant finding a tea bag in his main course. David Emanuel praised Matthew Wright for bringing up the rear and “screwing like a mad thing”, football commentary placed a man up a player’s backside and Escape to the Country turned opening slits and shoving in dampness into a two-person job.
Further clips included blue-veined cheese, Zane Lowe going down deep, Linda Barker accusing Peter Andre of bashing her wall for hours and a final promise to pump special fluid into somebody’s pipes. Max ended up considerably wetter than Josh, although Scott allowed for Josh being ill and praised both for committing to the game.
Chris is dropped at Wembley
The Radio 1 Wanderers were due to face Olly Murs’ team in a rematch at Wembley. Playing there was a childhood dream for Chris, but the Breakfast Show had replaced him with Marvin Humes. Chris took it as a serious rejection and threatened to find each member of the team and exact revenge over the coming months.
Nick Grimshaw explained that Chris had previously sounded willing to join Olly’s side and could not be trusted after listening to transfer rumours. He did, however, offer Scott and Chris a role in the live broadcast. Scott would become an official commentator, giving him access to the Wembley pitch despite knowing almost nothing about football.
Matt Fincham becomes the target
Chris decided Grimmy was only a puppet and blamed Breakfast producer Matt Fincham. His first plan was an enormous chocolate cake carrying a long message that ended, in capitals, “FINCHAM, YOU’RE A SALAD”. The cake company could make it, but would not fulfil Chris’s extra request to push it into Fincham’s face.
He then rang a horse-manure supplier. Starting at one ton, Chris negotiated his way up to two separate deliveries totalling four tons, ideally placed outside Fincham’s front door during the night. To avoid giving away the real target, he claimed the recipient was his very posh friend Richard Madeley. The supplier was surprisingly willing, provided payment was made in advance.
No order was completed during the programme, but the feasibility of a manure mountain left Chris considerably happier. Meanwhile, Fincham had received an anonymous book called Are You Chasing Rainbows?, about emotional maturity and adults behaving like children. He regarded it as the most passive-aggressive present he had ever opened.
Christmas trees and resident mice
Chris also wanted his first proper Christmas tree in the new home. Concern about the landlord, the existing mouse problem and the difficulty of carrying a real tree reduced his ambition dramatically. He bought an artificial tree only about a foot tall, effectively the top section of a normal tree, with lights already attached.
Scott struggled to imagine anybody dancing beneath it. Chris defended the purchase as a starting point and suggested that he could upgrade to a larger “tier” the following year.
Greg James faces Turkmenistan again
Greg James played Real or No Real. Paddy McGuinness owning a cat called “Fleoncé Knowles” was no real. The latest claim about former Turkmenistan president Saparmurat Niyazov was genuine: he had renamed April after his mother, Gurbansoltan.
The fact joined the show’s earlier stories about Niyazov banning miming at concerts and restricting television newsreaders’ appearance. Greg and Scott were reaching the point where almost any improbable presidential decision sounded believable.
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