Dynamo takes on Innuendo Bingo
Dynamo arrived during Radio 1’s Bass Week ready for Innuendo Bingo, although Chris worried that playing against a magician introduced possibilities which the normal rules did not cover. Dynamo promised not to use magic to redirect the water, while Scott reminded him that Chris played twice a week and therefore did not require gentle treatment.
The game began with a man offering to come through somebody’s back door and quickly moved to The Cube, where a contestant stood in the middle and took something in the face. MotoGP commentary supplied somebody looking up “the rear end of the doctor” and a rider coming inside his teammate, before a cocktail expert claimed that once people tried pomegranate sugar they never rimmed with anything else.
Dynamo sprayed before that last clip had even finished. Chris had worn two pairs of trousers as protection, but water passed through both. Other clips included flies emerging from a cabbage, a footballer being pulled off, an antiques expert rubbing an object without anything coming out and Fiona Bruce discussing a town pumper. Dynamo briefly appeared to choke, leaving Scott wondering whether a rabbit was about to emerge as part of a trick, but recovered in time for Vanessa Feltz’s listener to take a new rabbit up the back of the garden.
Both men finished soaked, with Dynamo rated the wetter of the two despite Chris’s experience. He remained in his wet clothes afterwards and discussed the third series of Magician Impossible, filmed in Britain, South Africa and New York. His programmes had reached audiences around the world, while a Teenage Cancer Trust competition offered two people the chance to spend a filming day with him. Scott was impressed by Dynamo’s commitment but accepted that the show finally needed to provide its drenched celebrity guests with towels, spare clothes or at least a hairdryer.
MistaJam receives a basial
MistaJam joined the show to explain that bass music was an umbrella term for styles in which bass was the focal point, including drum and bass, dubstep, trap, hip-hop and bass-led house. He cited Baauer’s “Harlem Shake” as a typical trap record before introducing Baauer and Just Blaze’s “Higher”.
Scott combined the lesson with his own Bass Week treatment: a “basial”, meaning a facial performed while both people pulled a bass face. He stood behind MistaJam, massaged his temples in time with the track and found the experience unexpectedly relaxing rather than awkward. A studio tour passed the window during the treatment, followed by Radio 1’s boss, who walked past, returned and looked again to make sure he had really seen it.
MistaJam said he felt strangely rejuvenated and considered taking basials to his gigs. Scott believed the wonderfully odd video was among the best the programme had produced and wondered whether the boss had returned because he wanted one too.
A television remote goes into the rice
Scott had dropped his Sky remote down the toilet and eventually retrieved it, but did not know whether the familiar remedy for a wet phone would work on a device with so many buttons. He placed it in rice and found grains becoming lodged in all its ridges while listeners considered the chances of recovery.
The discussion revealed just how many listeners had televisions in their bathrooms. Chris found a floating remote as a possible late birthday present, while one listener supplied a warning about the rice method. Her friend had successfully dried a phone in a bag of rice, forgotten why the rice was there and later served it to her mother in a Thai curry.
An online dating description says everything and nothing
One of Scott’s friends was preparing to try online dating, allowing Scott to enjoy the process of inspecting profiles on his behalf. Chris said several of his friends now discussed online dating openly in the pub, with none of the stigma it might once have carried.
The problem was how to write a distinctive introduction. Scott’s friend had relied on the classic claim that he loved “going out and staying in”, which appeared to cover every possible location while revealing almost nothing. Chris suggested equally universal interests such as eating food, leaving Scott to wonder what useful alternative anybody could offer.
Real or No Real with Charlie Sloth
Charlie Sloth joined a particularly food-and-body-focused Real or No Real. Boots had not removed Eliza Doolittle’s “Skinny Genes” after complaints from larger customers, despite Charlie demanding to know why shops did not sell “fat jeans”. A healthy human body really did carry the equivalent of 54 packets of butter in fat, representing about 100,000 calories.
An early-20th-century tapeworm diet had also been real, although Chris’s long-standing belief that the worm could be tempted out with lasagne and wound around a pencil was not. Renée Zellweger had not prepared for Bridget Jones’s Diary by learning to swallow Jaffa Cakes whole, an idea Charlie found less remarkable because he considered that the normal way to eat one.
Scott won by 30 points to Charlie’s ten. The round had at least settled that the tapeworm diet existed, even if the show’s proposed lasagne-based removal technique did not.
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