The household clear-out continues
With his flatmate finally gone and the weather slowly improving, Scott was cleaning his home and wanted to extend the clear-out to social media. He had entered the empty bedroom and found nothing except an unpleasant smell, but was coping well with independent cooking after two more servings of chicken in a bag and plans for salmon in a bag.
Sara Cox had recently cleaned up her Twitter account, while Scott had previously helped Beccy remove unwanted Facebook friends. Chris had never done it, so both agreed to delete five people for specific reasons. Listeners began joining in, although some worried the exercise would cost them followers rather than improve their feeds.
Five Facebook friends leave
Chris’s first choice was Scott’s former flatmate Fraser. Now that Fraser was engaged and no longer lived in the house, Chris thought there was no reason to keep him. Scott regarded this as unnecessarily harsh, particularly when Fraser was already adapting to receiving his own water bill.
An old student-union president followed because her university power no longer opened useful doors. A club promoter went for repeatedly advertising guest lists and free drinks before 11.30pm. A woman Chris had barely spoken to since the school bus was removed because there was no relationship left to pursue, while a man whose profile picture showed him without a shirt failed the Facebook equivalent of a nightclub dress code.
The deletions left Chris feeling he had more room to move, but listeners discovered the dangers of moving too quickly. One accidentally added somebody she meant to remove and immediately received a message from them. Another claimed to have lost 23 followers and been left with only six after Scott encouraged the spring clean.
Scott’s celebrity unfollows
Scott began with Danny Howard, whose account seemed to contain little beyond holiday pictures and photographs of his girlfriend. James Arthur followed because he kept tweeting about FIFA rather than releasing another song. Scott said he might reconsider once there was new music.
Cheryl Cole was removed for being unexpectedly boring on Twitter. Mark Jenkins from The Hotel went because the hotel references and deliberately cringeworthy jokes had continued long after he stopped running the business. Dappy was last, after filling his feed with retweets of people telling him how amazing he was.
Scott insisted he still liked several of the people he removed. The exercise concerned their posts rather than their personalities, although the public explanations made his clear-out considerably less discreet than an ordinary unfollowing spree.
Chris becomes Your Plan B
Looking back at an earlier feature gave Scott a new idea. A listener named Tom had booked a soft-focus couples’ photo shoot with his girlfriend before they separated. Rather than waste it, he invited Chris to take her place, producing pictures in which the two men appeared remarkably affectionate and propelling the story into the worldwide Twitter trends.
Scott wanted Chris to become a general emergency substitute for listeners. If somebody withdrew from a spa break, balloon flight, paintball match, poker night, football team or even a wedding, Chris could step in like a supply teacher. A listener immediately offered a vacant place on a two-week girls’ holiday to Malia.
The feature became Your Plan B, with Scott inviting emails from anybody whose event, trip or appointment suddenly had a spare place. Chris liked the prospect of a hot-air balloon but wanted some control over the choices, while Scott imagined a “break glass in emergency” replacement available for almost anything.
MSN Messenger reaches the end
MSN Messenger was closing, prompting memories of a service that had dominated many listeners’ teenage years. Chris discovered that an old laptop still contained logs of his conversations. Scott instructed him to bring it into the next programme, even though both recognised that reading private teenage messages aloud might not be wise.
The discussion followed another observation about The Voice. Scott thought Tom Jones appeared to enter a screen-saver mode whenever he was not directly involved, maintaining the same expression until somebody needed him. Chris expected him to return instantly if the metaphorical mouse moved.
Real or No Real with Dan and Phil
Dan and Phil promoted their first Online Lounge, in which internet-famous Canadian band Walk Off the Earth turned a Gemma Collins clip into a cover for the programme. The performance included an electric toothbrush used as an instrument and demonstrated that artists could contribute without travelling to London.
Beyoncé really did employ a cameraman to record much of her life, generating an extensive private archive which had contributed to her documentary. The National Lottery did not keep June Sarpong permanently waiting as an emergency presenter, despite Scott, Dan and Phil becoming distracted by their favourite drawmasters and lottery machines.
Rudimental were not giving a remix to fans prepared to wait all night outside their record company. Mattel really had sued over Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”, and the judge had advised both sides to chill. Scott scored 40 points while Dan and Phil received 20 each, reviving their recurring complaint that the game’s scoring could not be trusted.
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