Valentine’s Day at the Tap End
Chris brought together the romantic highs and lows of his life for a Valentine’s edition of 24 Years at the Tap End. An early attempt to give a card to any available member of Watford’s Golden Girls ended with him falling over a barrier and being removed after stewards mistook his gesture for a pitch invasion. A later Valentine’s drive to Harrow View Point with a female friend ended when the car battery went flat because they had left the lights, heater and stereo running.
His usual system was to remain anonymous while leaving clues. On one occasion, he asked a post office to ensure the cancellation mark clearly showed Pinner, then added the small smiley face he used on cards and even formal documents. If somebody asked whether a gift came from him, his preferred response was “maybe” accompanied by repeated winking. He admitted using the same method to claim credit for other people’s presents during quieter years.
One Valentine was different. At 17, Chris had become close to an older girl he called Winifred. He left flowers and a card on her doorstep in pouring rain, then waited all day to hear from her. When she finally called, she excitedly explained that she thought the flowers came from a boy at her new college and asked whether she should contact him.
She briefly asked if Chris might have sent them, but embarrassment stopped him admitting it. He listened while she praised the other boy, and they began seeing each other soon afterwards. Years later, Chris finally used the show to tell Winifred that the flowers had been his.
Scott hijacks the playlist meeting
Access All Areas month allowed intern Pete to live-tweet Radio 1’s playlist meeting, where the following week’s music choices were being decided. Scott and Chris also had access to the station account and began posting messages in Pete’s voice while senior figures from the music industry watched.
Their fake Pete announced that he was bored and passing the time by imagining everybody naked. The playlist team retaliated with a message about Scott’s terrible show, but Scott continued and suggested somebody opposite Pete was “dishy”. Another intern disclosed that Pete fancied one of Radio 1’s presenters, giving them still more material and making his important assignment considerably more awkward.
Kesha gets a forehead kiss
The show published Scott’s phone footage of Kesha arriving for Tuesday’s interview. To avoid the uncertainty of choosing one cheek or two when greeting somebody, Chris had previously decided that the safest approach was to plant a kiss directly in the middle of the forehead.
He had already tested the method on Sheridan Smith and now attempted it on an international pop star. Kesha tried to move away, forcing Chris to reach upwards and follow her before finally landing the kiss. Scott’s own greeting was an overlong hug with an awkward rocking motion, creating a short but revealing film of how the programme welcomed its guests.
Lawrence announces the Brit nominees
Scott was struggling to name the five British Breakthrough nominees without sounding more enthusiastic about one than another. He therefore handed the job to Lawrence from Loving the Trolls, whose artificial voice appeared equally unimpressed by Alt-J, Ben Howard, Jessie Ware, Jake Bugg and Rita Ora. Lawrence added dismissive comments and deliberately bad versions of their names, solving the impartiality problem by sounding as though he disliked everybody.
In Real or No Real, intern Alice learned that Rock Show presenter Daniel P Carter really had co-written McFly’s “Star Girl”, despite his on-air enthusiasm for music that made people want to smash things. A claim about Jameela Jamil losing a tooth on air was false, although it was based on something that had happened to Steve Lamacq during an outside broadcast. Gemma Cairney had not travelled to Birmingham dressed as Boris Yeltsin, and Sara Cox had not been hypnotised into dancing the Macarena whenever she met Mel B. Chris won 30–10.
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