Greg James finally plays Innuendo Bingo
Greg James returned from Afghanistan and made his long-awaited Innuendo Bingo debut against Chris. He said he was an avid listener and viewer who had never been invited to take part, despite regularly writing to the programme. Greg arrived in a dinosaur onesie, while Chris wore a small Christmas jumper which exposed part of his chest. Scott reassured Greg that the game would become wet and asked him to confirm that he was wearing something beneath the outfit before they began.
Greg’s recent trip immediately supplied the first clip, in which he found himself upside down with a man on top of him. Dinner Date produced a contestant hoping for a squirter, Nigel Slater observed that there were not many people who disliked a sausage, and Meet the Romans described diners sitting down for a nosh. A Money Box introduction warned there were no hairy crabs, while an antiques expert admired a woman with her hands in a muff.
The game became increasingly difficult when the team discovered Radio 4 gardening presenter Ann Swithinbank’s name. Repeating it was enough to make Chris lose his water before the actual clip had even played. He then attempted to ask whether she cuddled her tulips, forcing several restarts as Scott and Greg struggled to continue. The phrase became the feature’s running joke and reduced the studio to helpless laughter.
Countryfile invited a bird onto a blanket, Hayley Williams said she was dipping in and out of Katie Waissel, and a fishing programme admired a man’s tackle. The final clip featured Dame Kiri Te Kanawa being told that she always followed through. By then Greg’s dinosaur suit was drenched and Chris could barely repeat Ann Swithinbank’s name. Greg’s first appearance had produced one of the wettest and most chaotic games of the year.
The University of Illinois learns the Christmas single
Scott revived the programme’s tradition of calling Dial-a-Carol at the University of Illinois and requesting an unfamiliar British song. Previous requests had included “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, but this time he asked student singer Frank to perform “The Perfect Christmas Single” by Danny Howard and his Pigs in Blankets. Frank had never heard it, found the video online and confidently said he could learn it in five minutes.
When Scott called back, Frank played the recording quietly in the background and attempted the chorus live. He apologised for making mistakes, but the team were impressed that he had learnt the tune and most of the words at such short notice. Frank then demonstrated the much more familiar “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, joined by his friend Adam. Scott regarded the successful request as proof that the show’s new festive record had reached an important stage: an American student could now perform it after a single listen.
Doc Brown brings rap and comedy together
Doc Brown visited to discuss his Radio 1 programme combining comedy with rap music. He had selected emerging stand-ups including Marlon Davis, Michelle de Swarte and musical comedian Rob Carter, and planned to introduce audiences to performers they might not yet know. The show reflected his own unusual route from underground rapper to comic.
He remembered competing in rap battles, releasing records and performing with Mark Ronson before the Version era transformed Ronson’s live act. When the music became more pop-focused, Doc Brown was no longer needed and found the sudden loss of touring, hotels and the wider lifestyle difficult. A friend later asked him to advise on dialogue for a Radio 4 sitcom, which led to work as a comedy writer and eventually encouraged him to try stand-up himself.
Comedy allowed him to abandon the constant pressure to appear serious and cool. His song about wanting David Attenborough as his grandfather combined a sincere tribute with comedy, and had eventually been performed with the BBC Philharmonic. Attenborough declined an invitation to appear in the video with a handwritten note saying it was not quite his cup of tea, so a remarkably convincing lookalike took his place.
Doc Brown said stand-up had taken him around the world and given him a life he could not have imagined when his rap career ended. He had recently supported Ricky Gervais in Scandinavia, performed to 12,000 people in Stockholm and discovered that American audiences could be more culturally difficult than crowds whose first language was not English. He was now able to earn a living by being funny, travel internationally and sometimes take his children with him.
Real or No Real
Chris learnt that a 14-year-old Roman emperor really had devised an early version of the whoopee cushion for dinner parties. People did not spend an average of four and a half years waiting at traffic lights, travelling to Iceland was not a natural aphrodisiac, and three million people had not become ill from germs on bathroom light switches during the previous year.
Mrs Claus’s first name really was Layla, a result which surprised both Scott and Chris. The claim also started a discussion about Trevor Nelson avoiding door handles, something made more difficult by the design of the new Broadcasting House. Chris ended with only ten points, but the Roman emperor and Layla Claus facts gave the team two suitably strange pieces of information to take away.
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