Christmas lingerie shopping returned
One of Scott and Chris’s most awkward seasonal traditions returned.
Chris had to phone a lingerie shop and ask for Christmas-gift advice while Scott fed him a list of product names and descriptions.
Some were real.
Some were not.
Chris did not know which was which.
The shop assistant did.
That was the entire danger.
The V-string did not survive contact with an expert
Chris asked for a “seamless shimmer peephole V-string.”
The assistant immediately corrected him.
There was no such thing as a V-string.
Perhaps he meant a G-string.
Chris tried to continue as though the mistake had been perfectly normal.
Scott was already delighted.
A genuine item such as a body briefer sounded much more ridiculous than some of the fake products.
The assistant patiently explained that one could cost around £110.
Vacuum-cleaner copy became intimate apparel
Then the fake descriptions became increasingly elaborate.
A rechargeable multi-textured wand with an ergonomic water jet.
An extra-reinforced steel bra with matching easy-to-clean underwear.
A ten-speed remote-control lightweight multi-directional suction head.
Chris read them with as much seriousness as possible.
Scott later revealed that much of the language had been lifted from vacuum-cleaner and garden-centre websites.
The shop assistant had effectively been asked to distinguish lingerie from domestic appliances in real time.
Abbey discovered she was conceived in an orchestra pit
The archive then returned to Where Do You Think They Were?
Listener Abbey had to hear from mum Tracy exactly where she had been conceived.
The answer was unusually musical.
An orchestra pit.
Scott and Chris had heard bedrooms, holidays and all manner of unconventional locations through the feature.
An orchestra pit still felt distinctive.
Abbey was forced to hear the story in much more detail than any child would normally request from a parent.
The fact she was musically inclined only made the coincidence better.
Dial-A-Carol revisited an American student
The programme also replayed an old Dial-A-Carol call with student Monica in the United States.
Scott requested *Walking in the Air*.
Monica had never heard it.
She found the song online, tried to learn enough of it to sing and then moved onto *Feliz Navidad*.
Her percussion consisted of two cups containing rice, used as improvised maracas.
The feature’s appeal was always the same.
The person on the other end did not need to be a professional singer.
They simply had to commit.
Real brands and fake founders finished the quiz
Don’t Look It Up asked whether brand names came from real people.
Ben & Jerry’s came from founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield.
Jack Daniel was a real person.
Mr Kipling was not the historical baker many adverts might make him sound like.
The episode had started with invented underwear.
It ended with invented brand mythology.
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