Chris arrived late and flustered
The team noticed Chris had joined their morning call in a state.
He eventually explained why.
He thought he had been burgled.
His wife had gone downstairs and discovered the laptop normally plugged into the kitchen had disappeared.
Nothing else appeared to be missing.
There was no smashed window.
No open door.
The charging cable was still sitting where it belonged.
That should perhaps have reduced the panic.
Instead Chris became a detective.
Nobody was allowed to touch the crime scene
Chris had watched enough television to know fingerprints mattered.
He began telling people not to touch door handles.
The kitchen needed preserving.
Potential evidence could be everywhere.
Scott listened as Chris described an investigation which already sounded much more elaborate than the evidence justified.
Then Chris remembered his video doorbell.
Everybody outside became a suspect
He went through the footage.
Passer-by with dog:
suspect.
Delivery driver:
suspect.
Bin man:
suspect.
Child on the way to school:
apparently also suspect.
Chris began screen-grabbing faces as though he were building an actual case file.
The only stolen item appeared to be one laptop.
He still treated the street outside his home like the opening scene of *CSI*.
One final question solved the crime
Chris eventually went back to his wife.
Was she absolutely sure the laptop had been in the kitchen all night?
She thought about it.
Then remembered she had also used it in the bedroom.
Chris went upstairs.
The laptop was under the bed.
No burglary.
No suspect.
No forensic team required.
All the untouched door handles and doorbell screenshots had been completely unnecessary.
Scott was delighted.
The show had its own detective drama and the criminal had turned out to be memory.
Granny Tinder became Cinderella
Lynette also returned and the warm weather created another piece of regional vocabulary.
Someone described it as “taps aff” weather in Scotland — warm enough for people to take their tops off.
Lynette did not initially understand the phrase.
Scott and Chris joked that the first glimpse of sunshine in Britain could make people strip far earlier than the temperature justified.
Laura Whitmore examined dating profiles
Laura Whitmore joined to go through dating-app profiles and the show also tried teaching her short Scrabble-friendly words.
The episode therefore ended miles away from Chris’s imaginary burglary.
By the final day of March, that was normal for the programme:
crime scene in the morning, Granny Tinder by lunch, dating profiles and word games by the end.
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