Innuendo Bingo had found the perfect footballer at exactly the wrong time
Leeds’ Robin Koch had become a new Premier League talking point.
For a show that had spent years mining sports commentary for Innuendo Bingo, the surname looked like an almost unlimited source of clips.
Unfortunately, the feature itself was impossible under coronavirus rules.
Scott and Chris were back in the same studio but kept far enough apart that even moving around the room required care.
A game based entirely on holding water in your mouth and spraying it towards another person could hardly have been less COVID-secure.
They accepted that Koch’s best material would simply have to wait.
Inverness received a Mexican birthday
Listener Sarah should have been celebrating her birthday in Cancún.
Instead she was at home in Inverness.
Scott tried to bring Mexico to her over the radio with imaginary tequila shots and a Mexican birthday song he somehow knew.
Chris was baffled.
Scott assumed everybody knew it.
Almost nobody appeared to.
The fact he could suddenly produce a second-language birthday song from nowhere became almost more interesting than the original holiday disappointment.
Historical Hotties was born
The feature began with the photographs of a young Joe Biden that had been circulating online.
Scott and Chris agreed that whatever anybody thought of his politics, the much younger Biden in the photograph was undeniably striking.
Listeners then suggested Justin Trudeau.
The comparison escalated.
Soon the show was discussing Historical Hotties: famous public figures whose younger photographs looked dramatically different from the version everybody recognised later in life.
Ian McKellen became one of the strongest nominations.
Listeners also suggested a young Maggie Smith and Clint Eastwood.
The pair repeatedly had to remind themselves that the discussion was about old photographs rather than endorsing anybody’s politics or actions.
The Who Game returned on Monday
Monday again meant The Who Game.
The point was simply to nominate names, objects or habits from the recent past capable of producing a nostalgic “Whooo!”
Scott and Chris rattled through forgotten cultural references and listener suggestions.
The feature remained intentionally disposable: half the fun was hearing something you had not thought about for years and immediately remembering exactly what it meant.
“Hand money” and “table water” joined the vocabulary
A listener referred to cash as hand money.
Scott and Chris were fascinated by the unnecessary phrase.
That led to other oddly formal terms people had heard in normal situations.
One listener’s friend had once asked a waiter for table water rather than simply tap water.
The programme briefly became a collection of phrases which are technically understandable but sound as though somebody is speaking English from a slightly different universe.
Bangers got stadium crowd noise
The fake crowd-noise experiment also returned during Bangers.
Example’s *Changed the Way You Kiss Me* went up against Beyoncé’s *Run the World (Girls)* with an imaginary football crowd reacting to each selection.
Beyoncé won.
Scott admitted he had probably loaded the contest slightly by presenting his choice as the great female-empowerment anthem of the day.
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