Alistair practically lived in the pizza restaurant
Scott returned from New York and Chris immediately introduced him to listener Alistair.
At 18, Alistair had moved away from home for work.
He could not cook particularly well.
He had disposable income.
So he ate pizza.
A lot.
Alistair estimated he visited the same restaurant around four or five times every week.
He ordered exactly the same thing: a large thin margarita, wedges and a pudding.
He became such a predictable customer that staff sometimes started putting the order in before he had fully arrived.
Because Alistair did not know many people in the new area, he deliberately stretched the visits out.
He ate in the restaurant instead of taking the food home.
He occasionally invented reasons to stay longer.
The staff gradually became his social circle.
He remembered several of them by name, including manager Andrew and assistant manager Dawn.
When Alistair eventually moved away for another job, the restaurant gave him a leaving card.
The employees had all signed it.
Scott loved the fact that what began as an unhealthy refusal to learn cooking had accidentally become a genuine friendship group.
Dating by VHS in the 1980s
Scott and Chris then discovered old video-dating tapes.
Long before Tinder or profile videos on modern apps, people recorded introductions of themselves onto VHS.
Potential dates could sit at home and fast-forward through the candidates.
The men in the clips looked unmistakably 1980s.
There were thick glasses, large moustaches and brown suits.
Morris introduced himself as “an executive by day, a wild man by night”.
Mike warned that if the viewer was smoking while watching the tape, they should press fast-forward because he did not smoke and did not want to date somebody who did.
Scott realised the basic idea was surprisingly modern.
People were presenting themselves directly to camera so somebody could decide whether they fancied them.
The technology had changed.
The awkward profile introduction had not.
The Edinburgh Zoo penguin lie
A listener had gone viral after repeating a story told in a pub.
The man claimed his job was penguin erector at Edinburgh Zoo.
The story said penguins became so fascinated by planes flying overhead that they tipped backwards and could not stand up again.
His job was supposedly to walk around lifting them back onto their feet.
Scott and Chris briefly tried to test the physics by lying down and attempting to stand up without using their arms.
The story sounded just plausible enough for people to repeat it.
It was nonsense.
There was no penguin-erector job.
The man telling the story was simply somebody who enjoyed making things up in the pub.
Scott liked the category of “pub friend”: somebody hugely entertaining for two hours over drinks who you perhaps did not need involved in every other part of your life.
Scott could not imagine dating Pete Davidson
Photographs of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson at the MTV VMAs showed the couple extremely affectionate with each other.
Scott thought it was cute.
He also admitted he personally did not think he could trust Pete if he were dating him.
Chris immediately pointed out that Scott was doing what many people did with celebrity couples: mentally inserting himself into somebody else’s relationship.
Scott accepted he was probably just jealous.
Ariana and Pete could continue being love goals.
Scott would simply observe from a safe distance.
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