Jeff Brazier dresses for the wrong event
Jeff Brazier arrived for Innuendo Bingo in a suit and bow tie because he was heading to a black-tie party. He initially claimed not to have spare clothes and warned Chris to keep water away from his “dickie bow”, instantly adding an extra innuendo before the clips had begun.
Scott thanked Jeff for his work on the show’s relationship transfer deadline day and admired the football-commentary style he had brought to it. They were already considering another role that would use the same skill. First, however, Jeff had to sit opposite Chris with a mouthful of water while dressed more smartly than any previous contestant.
A black-tie soaking
The game began with Lambing Live and a family named the Dykes, followed by MasterChef meatballs and a Radio 1 clip about somebody “knocking one out”. Vanessa Feltz contributed advice about enhancing an entrance and then revealed that she had offered Chris Evans a lick of her Creme Egg.
More clips came from Secret Eaters, where an excited man lost his load while cutting cake, and from Dot Branning recalling how Ethel smuggled Willie into church in a shopping bag. A Bigfoot documentary discussed a piece of meat being jerked off, before an old conversation with Danny Jones ended with him coming out of Paul O’Grady.
Jeff retaliated whenever Chris caught him, and the expensive outfit took a direct hit. Only after the game did he admit that he had, in fact, brought something to change into before visiting a museum and then attending the party.
Scott objects to public bananas
Chris ate a banana close to Scott’s face and discovered a new irritation. Scott believed bananas should be eaten only in private because the act looked strange in public and encouraged immediate judgement from everybody nearby.
Listeners responded in the only possible way: they sent photographs of themselves eating bananas. The more Scott objected, the more “banana selfies” arrived. A minor personal dislike had become another listener challenge within minutes.
White Dee starts rapping
The unlikely-DJ discussion produced evidence that White Dee from Benefits Street had gone further and recorded a rap. The track announced that she was Dee from the street and pleased to be there, while the show tried to understand how a television appearance had expanded into club bookings and music.
Fernando also supplied a brief update through Chris. His girlfriend was still having the best time of her life in Vietnam and posting that she was sad to come home. She would return at the weekend, when Fernando expected to discover whether Watford could compete with everything she had experienced on the Buffalo Trek.
Big Mo reviews her debut
Big Mo called again after her Canterbury set. She had dressed up, enjoyed a buffet, met the mayor, drunk vodka and tonic, signed autographs and taken photographs with a polite crowd. Asked for the biggest tune of the night, she could not name one: she had watched the audience enjoy themselves while the venue handled much of the music.
She had followed Scott and Chris’s advice by putting her hands in the air, although she said it made her look a “bloody idiot”, and thought she might have given them a shout-out. The night had gone well enough that she would consider more sets. Scott immediately invited her to become a Friday guest DJ when the show covered Breakfast, floated a Big Mo arena tour and proposed the O2 as the “Big Mo 2”.
Greg James identifies chimpanzees by their bottoms
Greg James joined Real or No Real and considered research suggesting that chimpanzees could identify one another from photographs of their bottoms. Both he and Scott decided that humans relied on faces only because clothing normally hid the alternative, and the chimpanzee claim was real.
Tinie Tempah did not own Britain’s largest collection of rare canyon parrots, although he did own a stuffed giraffe head. Kanye North and Kanye South really were parliamentary constituencies in Botswana, while Snoop Dogg did not provide California’s speaking clock. The facts ended a show dominated by smart clothes, celebrity DJs and far more photographs of bananas and chimpanzee bottoms than Scott had wanted to see.
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