Chris becomes male vocalist of the moment
Chris arrived with a Grimy Award for “male vocalist of the moment”, earned by his performance of “Red Red Raw”. His competition had apparently included Diana Vickers, Greg James and the BBC website, so Scott treated the result with the seriousness it deserved.
The acceptance music went on for so long that Scott shortened it and suggested keeping the edited sting for everyday use. Whenever somebody became boring, they could simply play the music and bring the conversation to a clean, awards-style finish.
Scott also complained about friends and colleagues who failed to tell him when something was visibly wrong. He had previously walked around with his flies open, food in his teeth and a sticker attached to his jeans while other people said nothing. A useful friend, he argued, should intervene before the rest of the world notices.
Gemma Cairney makes a late Bingo entrance
Gemma Cairney was due for Innuendo Bingo at 1.45, but traffic forced the game back by an hour. That was not ideal preparation for somebody facing a 4am start on Early Breakfast the following morning.
When Gemma finally arrived, she and Chris took their seats with full mouths of water and worked through the latest collection of accidental filth from television and radio. The delay did nothing to reduce the soaking. Gemma left the studio wet, laughing and with rather less time to recover before her alarm.
Fernando does not want his mind broadened
Chris introduced another problem from his “friend” Fernando, whose altered voice did very little to conceal who was speaking. Fernando’s girlfriend had gone on a two-week Buffalo Trek in Vietnam, and he was becoming increasingly anxious about what the experience might do to her.
The seven-hour time difference and unreliable phone signal were bad enough. More troubling were the tall guide, the bars, the caves and the possibility that she might meet interesting travellers with broader minds. Fernando feared she would return changed and decide that Watford—and nights at the Misty Moon—were no longer enough.
He would happily have offered a trip to the New Forest instead and stated plainly that he did not want his own mind broadened. Scott tried to reassure him that a holiday was not the same as ordinary life, but Fernando remained unconvinced that buffalo-based self-discovery was compatible with their relationship.
Rabbits, sneezes and Robin Mahfood
Greg James joined Real or No Real. The boss of the charity Food for the Poor really was called Robin Mahfood, while Paolo Nutini had not spent part of the five-year gap between albums trekking through Laos and Cambodia. The Bible did contain a single sneeze, in 2 Kings, and Cuban customs officials really had used rabbits as sniffer animals.
The round ended 20–20, leaving neither Scott nor Greg with much room for celebration. Attention then turned towards the following evening’s Sport Relief television coverage and the prospect of another very long day for Radio 1.
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