Danny Howard plays Innuendo Bingo
Danny Howard returned from a skiing trip to face Chris in Innuendo Bingo. The show had continued mining Winterwatch, with Michaela Strachan smiling at a particular black cock, while Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun repeated Tito’s prematurely fired cannon.
Michael Portillo followed a guide’s recommendation to visit the Cock, Pointless recalled a famous goal which lobbed Seaman from the halfway line and a cricket update celebrated a stunning 69. A cook announced that she was going to take a leek, bad weather left an Oxfordshire resident with his back door smashed in and Big Brother showed Wolfy grunting in her mackerel.
Danny and Chris soaked each other heavily. Danny’s hair colour remained intact, but the protective jeans caused another problem: repeated hot service washes had shrunk them to the point that Chris could barely wear them.
The reluctant laundrette
Chris explained his recurring confrontation with the woman who handled the wet Bingo clothes. He arrived every couple of months with a sports bag and asked for a service wash. She ignored him, acted surprised that he wanted washing done in a laundrette and insisted that no collection time was possible, however flexible he made the request.
Only when Chris apologised, turned around and reached the door would she call him back and offer exactly the service she had refused. His father used a similar routine when asked for a lift, saying no until the door had closed and then following Chris outside to offer one.
Scott initially wondered whether the woman fancied him, but the shrunken clothes suggested otherwise. He proposed accompanying Chris with a recorder, then improved the experiment: he would take in his own bag and see whether a different customer received better treatment. That visit was postponed to the following week.
Jennifer Lawrence meets Damian Lewis
Scott issued repeated spoiler warnings before playing a viral red-carpet interview. Jennifer Lawrence, who had watched the first two seasons of Homeland, noticed Damian Lewis being interviewed nearby and became visibly star-struck. The reporter arranged an introduction, leaving Lawrence delighted to meet “Brody”.
The interview then asked how she felt about the character’s death. Lawrence had not seen season three and immediately realised that the entire plot had been revealed. Damian tried to suggest it was a joke, but her expression made clear that the damage was done. She eventually forgave the reporter, although Scott thought the journalist’s chances of another interview had sharply declined.
Listeners who complained that Scott had spoiled the same story were temporarily banned from Radio 1. He had provided several warnings, told people exactly when to turn down the radio and even asked them not to text afterwards, so he considered any remaining exposure their own responsibility.
What photo developers saw
The programme returned to the age of printed film. Somebody in every photo shop had inspected each image, attached warnings about red eye or poor focus and inevitably seen material customers had forgotten taking. Former employees confirmed that unusual photographs were sometimes copied into private back-room galleries.
One manager had to approve whether suspicious images could be returned and explain when some had been removed. Others remembered customers maintaining eye contact while both parties knew what the staff had seen. Scott invited listeners with undeveloped old rolls to send them in: the programme would pay for processing, but the owner would have to join him to examine the results.
Real or No Real
Greg James reported that the Future Festival had been excellent, despite Scott loudly interrupting a whispered conversation during George Ezra. Craig Phillips did not receive an annual 22p royalty cheque from the first Big Brother, although the discussion uncovered his largely forgotten Christmas single.
Chinese shopping centres really had introduced husband cloakrooms where men could be left with entertainment while their partners shopped. Paloma Faith genuinely played a cabaret dancer, cocktail waitress, mime, Victorian, damsel and Russian peasant wife in the artwork for her forthcoming album. Sam Faiers had not described herself as a real-life Miranda Hart before entering Celebrity Big Brother.
Greg won 20–10. Scott then returned to the extreme yoghurt video and Danny’s new Bingo appearance, concluding that Radio 1 had produced two unusually wet contributions in three days.
—
COMMENTS