Extreme Innuendo Bingo
Chris played Innuendo Bingo alone, lying on his back while an assistant spooned raspberry, banana and pineapple yoghurt into his mouth. Scott stressed that it had been planned rather than improvised after a guest cancelled. The point was that every laugh sent yoghurt across Chris’s nose, eyes, hair and plastic pillow instead of into an opponent’s face.
Charlie Sloth began with a report about beetles in which bigger balls attracted female company. Michael Portillo was shown through a historical figure’s back door, and Lynda Bellingham recalled spending Sunday on all fours with Pledge. Winterwatch supplied a black grouse, also described as a black cock, and promised viewers that nothing beat watching it first thing in the morning.
The rest included an author’s well-exercised right hand, a Radio 3 musician being told to bring an instrument in and hold it in, birdwatchers with cold tits and Kay Adams telling Len Goodman that something had been sitting on his face throughout the show. Scott briefly used water to clear Chris’s face, then returned to the yoghurt until almost every visible part of him was covered. Some online viewers found it too disgusting, which Scott considered proof that the extreme version had achieved its purpose.
The hold challenge continues
After Shakira endured six seconds, Scott called James McVey of The Vamps under the pretence of discussing the band’s forthcoming Live Lounge. James agreed to hold while the studio played instrumental pop music. Scott checked the line after two minutes and again after five; James remained patiently connected, apparently singing along to what he could hear.
He finally abandoned the call after six minutes and 15 seconds. Scott rang back to explain the game, and James took the deception well, declaring himself more dedicated than Shakira. His performance established a formidable early lead, although Scott thought newer artists naturally had more incentive to remain available than global stars.
A different kind of night out
Scott told Chris that working together every day risked making their friendship repetitive. He proposed replacing their usual pub visit with Lebanese food, wine, music and belly dancers at a nearby restaurant. Words including tabbouleh, shawarma and baba ganoush only made Chris more suspicious, particularly when Scott spoke about wanting to “spice things up”.
Chris worried that the proposal contained a reference to the explicit Prague edition of 24 Years at the Tap End. Scott insisted that he simply liked the restaurant and wanted them to try something new. Hummus presented one obstacle because Chris disliked it, but baba ganoush eventually became the basis of an awkward agreement.
The proposed Danny Howard museum also gained exhibits. Danny had found an old Boys of Radio 1 exercise DVD featuring Colin Murray and Joe Cornish, an apron from Celebrity Ready Steady Cook and a supply of merchandise from One Night with Laura. Scott still imagined the museum as a shed rather than a grand institution, but at least it would now contain genuine artefacts.
Homes Under the Hammer and Real or No Real
The success of the Homes Under the Hammer Game convinced Scott to schedule another edition for Friday. Listeners who had previously watched the programme without noticing its literal music choices now found themselves waiting for every pun, which Scott regarded as an enhancement rather than damage.
Charlie Sloth played Real or No Real while trying to eat more carefully during January. Dubai really had offered dieters a gram of gold for every kilogram lost, creating the theoretical strategy of gaining weight before joining. The claim that Harry Styles required guests in a new hot tub to sign confidentiality agreements was invented.
DJ Fresh, Jay Fay and Ms Dynamite’s “Dibby Dibby Sound” led to a prolonged celebration of the Gipsy Kings’ “Bamboleo”. More surprisingly, an early draft of Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory really did end with Charlie covered in chocolate and sent to another family’s home as a present. Charlie failed to score, but the French café music Scott used to accompany his January misery improved his mood.
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