How long can jeans go without washing?
Scott asked how many days somebody could acceptably wear the same pair of jeans. The View’s lyric about wearing one pair for four days had always seemed strangely unambitious to both him and Chris. Scott proposed a week, while Chris thought jeans could remain in rotation for considerably longer.
A listener described cycling through four pairs which might each avoid the washing machine for six months. The show repeated claims that freezing jeans kept them fresh and that they could be worn for nine months without creating an infection risk. Scott’s current pair had survived at least a week and two Innuendo Bingo games, which made the theoretical danger feel rather closer.
He also realised why the laundry had reduced so dramatically after his flatmate moved out. The former flatmate changed jeans every two days, while Scott saw little reason to create so much washing.
Every presenter rejects the mask
Two days before the Big Weekend, most of Chris’s merchandise ideas had collapsed. Nudie pens could not be manufactured in time and selling bottles of used Innuendo Bingo water had been stopped on hygiene grounds. That left face masks as the only viable plan.
Scott had already refused. Sara Cox said her instincts were screaming no, Nick Grimshaw followed Scott’s lead and Trevor Nelson politely wished Chris luck without surrendering his image. Alan Dedicoat initially agreed, but his agent later withdrew permission. Chris accused Scott of poisoning everybody against a potentially brilliant business.
Only Clare from Radio 1 reception said yes. She was busy when approached but agreed to provide her face “for a laugh”. Chris produced a laminated mask and briefly adopted her familiar “Okay, darling” greeting. His grand celebrity range had been reduced to himself and a colleague whom listeners had never seen.
Team Clare takes over
The two printable masks appeared on Radio 1’s website. Scott expected nobody to choose Clare, but messages immediately requested hers. Listeners proposed wearing it at work, around supermarkets, while watching the Big Weekend on television and even with a complete reception-appropriate outfit. The hashtag #TeamClare gathered momentum.
Scott repeatedly pointed out that the audience did not know what Clare looked like, which only increased the demand. The website agreed to release her full-sized mask, while Chris corrected people who were accidentally printing thumbnail versions too small for any human face.
Photographs soon showed listeners wearing both designs. Faced with the success and the possibility of being excluded from the crowd, Scott changed his mind and allowed Chris to make one of him. He wanted an unusually miserable expression so that his mask would stand apart from the smiling celebrity versions.
Sara Cox plays one-handed Real or No Real
Sara Cox arrived with one arm strapped up but found that she could still operate a radio studio and play Real or No Real. White-faced capuchin monkeys really did greet one another by placing fingers in each other’s nostrils. The smallest contribution by a sofa guest on The One Show was not merely 14 words, despite the programme’s tendency to give celebrities little room to speak.
June Brown really had posed with balls of yarn protecting her modesty, connected to her stage appearance in Calendar Girls. Marcus Mumford did not stain completed lyrics with coffee to make the paper look old and rustic. Sara won 30–20 and considered keeping her arm restrained if it continued to improve her broadcasting.
Bananas behind closed doors
Scott admitted that he could not eat a banana in public because the moment before the first bite felt open to judgment. Listeners rapidly assured him that the anxiety was not unique. Suggestions included breaking off the tip or dividing the fruit into pieces before eating it.
Other foods created similar problems. Scott would not lick a yoghurt lid in public and felt uncomfortable with the first lick of a long ice lolly. Chocolate bars depended on their shape: a chunky one was manageable, while a Flake was not. Chris could not understand the paranoia, but the response again reassured Scott that his private rule had supporters.
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