Back in the afternoon
Scott and Chris returned to their normal afternoon slot after a week covering breakfast. Scott still woke with a start at 5am before remembering that he no longer needed to be at work, while Chris treated the later programme as almost a lie-in.
The first warm-looking weekend of the year had produced another British barbecue. Chris stayed outside even after the sun disappeared behind a cloud, accepting the claim that the air was “fresh” rather than cold. Scott spent the same weather cleaning a ground-floor window for the first time, somehow hurting his back badly enough to confirm that he would not do it again.
Scott also settled Radio 1’s internal debate over Macklemore’s name. Emails had circulated over whether it should be pronounced “Mackle-more” or “Mackle-mor”, but the artist’s own introduction on “Can’t Hold Us” supplied the answer. The track became Scott’s Big Thing for the week.
Young farmers correct Chris
Chris had DJed at a young farmers’ spring fling and returned enthusiastic about listeners who heard Radio 1 while driving tractors and spreading muck. Large amounts of beer had been thrown towards him during the set, which he interpreted as a traditional sign of approval.
Hannah later corrected him. As a young farmer herself, she said beer was not thrown at DJs as a mark of affection in her part of the country and suggested the crowd may simply have wanted him off the stage. Chris insisted he had enjoyed the party and looked forward to visiting another, while Hannah offered him the appropriate “Young farmers do it in the field” clothing.
The Robert Downey Jr comments arrive
The interview had spent the weekend collecting online comments. Viewers questioned why Chris had not asked more about Iron Man 3, criticised his choice of questions and repeatedly described the conversation as painfully awkward. Chris accepted that much of the criticism was fair: he knew little about films, had entered a highly artificial junket environment without knowing which of six stars he would meet and had hit his head moments before the camera rolled.
Scott replayed the question about whether Downey was naked in the Iron Man suit, which Chris had presented as something the actor must be asked constantly. They returned to his request for help attracting women, Downey saying Chris had missed him by 20 years and the plan to put “Iron Man” on a lads’ holiday shirt. The abrupt emergency question about whether Downey liked Britain now sounded even more obvious.
They also heard Chris praise the actor’s British accent before admitting he had not realised Downey was American, and his declaration that he was “in awe” despite knowing so little of the career which caused it. One listener said the interviews resembled Alan’s rambling speech in The Hangover, a comparison Scott immediately understood. Chris maintained that all he could do was discuss the world he knew, and the unusual answers remained more revealing than another routine promotional exchange.
Ship My Pants
An American retailer’s advert for its new delivery service had found a way to turn the word “ship” into an extended joke. Customers announced that they could “ship my pants”, “ship my drawers” and ship items for free while remaining technically focused on online orders.
The advert had attracted millions of views. Scott and Chris admired how completely it committed to the misunderstanding, particularly because American “pants” meant trousers and allowed the joke to continue without the characters acknowledging anything unusual.
Hannah reviews Long Island Medium
Hannah returned after will.i.am’s long Friday interview had displaced her television review. A night out in Nottingham had turned her into a minor celebrity, with strangers asking her to repeat “make it good, mind”, “I’ll let you get on” and questions about the Mendips.
Her new assignment was Long Island Medium, following Theresa Caputo as she announced her claimed ability to communicate with the dead in almost every setting. Scott played clips of her ordering coffee, visiting a tailor, using a gym and dealing with a small car accident, each of which became an opportunity to give a stranger a message from a relative. Her accent was striking and her high, sprayed hair reminded Hannah of a sandcastle.
Hannah awarded the programme nine-and-a-half out of ten. Almost nothing happened, but that made it easy to leave on while studying and look up whenever Theresa introduced herself to another unsuspecting employee as a psychic medium. She agreed to remain Scott’s regular correspondent for strange television, with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo already waiting for a future review.
The mystery of Chris Smith’s holiday
Newsreader Chris Smith returned from holiday looking exceptionally refreshed. Scott wondered whether something more than rest had occurred, praising his tighter, healthier appearance while trying not to make the compliment sound insulting.
Scott admitted that he had tried a tanning mist over the weekend after somebody called him Casper-white. It had left him feeling bronzed even though neither Chris Stark nor anybody else could see the slightest difference. Whatever Chris Smith had done, Scott wanted the number.
Real or No Real with Phil
Phil Lester arrived without Dan, who was filming with David Mitchell, and worried that the partnership might be breaking up. Taylor Swift’s tour team really had searched for two hours after her cat Meredith escaped. Nigerian billboards genuinely instructed people to reject rumour-mongering and return to work.
Alan Titchmarsh had not posed nude for Radio Times behind a pair of pruning shears, despite the claim resembling the genuine Graham Norton photograph from the previous week. Some American restaurants really did allow diners to select their own cow for a beef order, although the process naturally involved a delay rather than an animal standing beside the table. Phil and Chris finished level on 20 points, ending the first afternoon show with the familiar reward of nothing.
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