Little Mix return with Missy Elliott
Little Mix joined Scott as their Missy Elliott collaboration “How Ya Doin’?” became his Big Thing. Missy had long been one of their dream collaborators, making it remarkable that her first appearance on a record for some time was on their single. They had not met her in person but were friendly with her on Twitter and hoped to change that on their next American visit.
The group had arrived exceptionally early and done their own hair and make-up. They discussed the practical consequences of fame, including photographers waiting outside radio appearances and the need to shred personal papers before putting them in the bin. Scott then introduced Chris as the internet sensation who had asked Mila Kunis to a Watford match and Nando’s. When the girls heard his next mystery interview could involve Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow or Robert Downey Jr, Perrie immediately wanted to accompany him.
Jade chooses three dares
A wheel selected Jade for a specially prepared game of Truth or Dare. Each of her bandmates had recorded the beginning of an embarrassing story. Jade could hear the complete truth on national radio or perform a dare which would keep it secret.
Jesy threatened to explain the real reason for Jade’s nickname “Poopy”. Jade chose instead to eat her least favourite food, sushi. She struggled through small bites while the others encouraged her and Scott reminded everybody that the nickname would now remain safely unexplained.
Perrie offered to reveal an embarrassing detail involving where Jade liked to put something, a clue which caused immediate alarm. The alternative was a permanent-marker moustache and monobrow which she would have to wear for the rest of the day, including past the waiting photographers. Perrie and Leigh-Anne drew on her face, yet Jade somehow continued to look camera-ready.
The final message came from Jade’s aunt, who knew an interesting FaceTime story. To suppress it, Jade had to eat chocolate from Chris’s bare torso. Neither participant had been warned. Chris lay across the desk while pieces of chocolate were arranged on him, including one in his belly button, and Jade retrieved them as the rest of Little Mix shouted encouragement. Scott ended the feature surrounded by chaos, with Jade still wearing her moustache and Chris left with lipstick around his stomach.
Scott prepares to be a best man
Scott’s former flatmate had moved into a new home with his girlfriend and asked Scott to be best man at their wedding. The role meant organising a stag party and delivering a speech, neither of which Scott had done before. Chris immediately saw material for the show, particularly after remembering Scott’s performance as a maid of honour and wedding DJ.
At that earlier wedding, Scott had been placed behind the decks too late in the evening, forgotten how to operate the CD player and surrendered control to Chris. At another family wedding he had played James Blunt’s “Billy” and decided he would not DJ at the new ceremony. The move was already producing domestic drama, too: within a week, Scott’s old flatmate had telephoned asking for Wine Away after spilling red wine on the new sofa.
Real or No Real goes to Britain’s Got Talent
Kelly played a Britain’s Got Talent round against Chris. Simon Cowell really did use breaks in filming to return to his hotel room for a bath, explaining the regular sight of him leaving before everybody else. David Walliams did not remove his shoes to brush feet with Alesha Dixon, although the claim led Scott to admit he often presented without shoes himself.
Amanda Holden really had appeared as a contestant on Blind Date and attempted to win a man named Barny. Alesha Dixon’s distinctive laugh had not suddenly appeared while she was at college after years of sounding like a demure princess. Kelly and Chris finished level on 20 points.
Hannah becomes addicted to Dance Moms
After rejecting Lizard Lick Towing, Hannah found exactly the programme Scott expected her to love. She watched three hours of Dance Moms, following Abby Lee Miller, her young dancers and the parents who fought over their children’s place in the weekly pyramid.
Hannah was appalled and fascinated by Abby’s severity. One child had to perform press-ups for arriving without her hair in a bun, while another was dismissed as brooding and miserable. When a mother suggested that her daughter might become a cheerleader rather than a professional dancer, Abby replied that Cirque du Soleil did not hire cheerleaders. Hannah compared her with Miss Trunchbull, recognised that many of the mothers were living through their children and awarded the programme ten out of ten.
Six possible Hollywood stars
Chris had now seen Iron Man 3 and Oblivion, although the early starts caught up with him and he fell asleep during the Tom Cruise film. His final assignment was The Place Beyond the Pines, adding Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper and Eva Mendes to the possibilities.
That left six names for Thursday’s interview: Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom Cruise, Gosling, Cooper or Mendes. Chris knew all three of the latest names, although his knowledge of Mendes centred less on her films than her appearance. Scott promised there was no double bluff and that one of the six would genuinely be waiting. Chris now had to prepare for everybody and nobody at once.
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