24 Years at the Tap End begins its second season
The show returned to afternoons as Nick Grimshaw began on breakfast, and the second season of 24 Years at the Tap End opened with its own theme tune. Chris sang about bossing banter in Prague, dressing as a Smurf, swapping lives with a German, buying strip pens in France, covering teachers in sunscreen, nearly drowning in foam and receiving a naked massage.
Scott thought the acoustic production evoked Gavin & Stacey and The Royle Family. More importantly, it made the feature feel like a proper series rather than an occasional reading. The song was immediately declared a keeper, although it would continue to be revised.
The first new chapter went back to Chris’s 18th year and his opening week at Southampton University. He shared a room with somebody who increasingly treated it as his own, culminating in the sight of the roommate naked in bed with one of Chris’s socks being used somewhere other than a foot. Chris’s chief objection was practical: he had not brought enough socks to lose one that way.
The toga-party stitch-up
Students had been told to buy plastic mattress covers, a rule Chris ignored because he trusted his bladder and did not want to spend the money. For a toga party, a female housemate wrapped him in a bedsheet and other students persuaded him that everybody would go without underwear. He added a crown made from a bush and a cardboard sword.
At the club, Chris learned drinking rules involving coins dropped into pints and the punishment for allowing somebody to grab an extended little finger. His sword and simple dances, including stacking shelves and mowing the lawn, helped him and several new friends reach the stage.
When the Baywatch theme played, second-year students began removing their costumes. Chris followed, then discovered that the men who had encouraged him had secretly kept their boxer shorts on. He spent the song naked apart from his laurel wreath, flip-flops and a cardboard sword which offered limited cover. His advice was clear: always wear underwear under a toga and never let anybody grab the little finger.
Deborah Meaden rejects hands-free ironing
Chris’s campaign for investment continued with a remotely controlled iron. The device would move up and down a shirt by itself, turning ironing into a hands-free activity. Deborah Meaden recognised his voice immediately and responded, “Oh, for goodness’ sake, Chris.”
She asked how many ideas he had brought her and decided the answer was already too many. The call ended after only 25 seconds, well before Chris could explain the technology or request £650,000. Scott thought Deborah had not been in the right mood, while Chris remained willing to try again.
Maximus Aurelius changes instruments
Chris and Beccy returned to their imaginary son Maximus Aurelius for another test of whether they could behave like responsible parents at a school concert. The music teacher had moved Maximus from the tuba to a string instrument, requiring a change to the child’s “Tuba rules” profile picture.
Before the recital, Scott tried to make the fictional couple hold hands and show affection for the sake of their son. Beccy refused and suggested they occupied separate beds. Once the orchestra began, both parents immediately laughed at the performance, despite shouting enthusiastic encouragement towards Maximus.
Lily Allen’s chewing gum
Show introducer Ben said he had “got fresh” with Lily Allen on a flight, which turned out to mean accepting chewing gum. He had been seated close to the singer and a friend on an easyJet journey to Nice, where Lily was travelling for a performance.
The gum came from Lily’s packet but was physically passed across by her friend. Ben and Lily exchanged greetings and basic travel chat, but his later tweet received no reply and no backstage invitation followed. Scott still considered it a respectable celebrity encounter, complete with questions about whether Lily had purchased the airline meal deal or a model aircraft.
Flirty restaurant service
Scott had enjoyed a restaurant meal and later realised the waitress’s playful, sarcastic manner had improved the experience. He believed skilled waiting staff could make customers think they were being fancied, encouraging a generous tip without any genuine romantic interest.
Beccy, who had worked as a waitress and barmaid, confirmed that flirting could produce better tips. She also told Scott she would not have fancied him had he entered her restaurant. The discussion produced a future experiment in which Chris would serve two tables, flirting outrageously with one and remaining indifferent to the other.
Real or No Real
Fish did not produce dandruff that remained impossible to filter from drinking water. “Time” genuinely was identified as the most commonly used noun in English, and approximately 1.7 billion cups of coffee were consumed around the world each day.
Refrigerating underwear after washing did not double the life of its elastic. Mumford & Sons had not previously operated a shoe-repair business in Droitwich. Beccy won the round by 40 points to 20.
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