The accidental lingerie shoplifter
Listener Gemma described leaving a department store without noticing that a red bra, knickers and suspenders had caught on the back of her clothes. She ignored the alarm because she had bought nothing, then found herself surrounded by security guards while other shoppers laughed. Gemma’s day job was considerably more serious: she served with the Royal Engineers and was preparing to deploy to Afghanistan to teach local forces about improvised explosive devices and help search for them.
Scott had recovered his smartphone but had become attached to the basic replacement he had used for five days without charging. He briefly carried both, despite insisting that nobody with two phones could be trusted, and was even more suspicious of a woman he had seen using three on a bus. Listeners with separate work and personal handsets failed to convince him that owning more than one was necessary.
Film critic Reanna returned to face Chris in another particularly wet round of Innuendo Bingo. The clips included Jamie Oliver hoping to enter the White House through Michelle Obama’s back door, a Radio 4 guest happy to “have a fiddle” alone, a champion welly wanger and a farmer announcing that a strap was on. Reanna repeatedly collapsed at the familiar Joan Collins kumquat clip and finished wetter than she had ever been on the programme.
The Fun and Filth Cabaret auditions produced more unusual acts. Kirk sang television themes and pop songs in convincing-sounding languages which he had invented on the spot, including versions of the EastEnders theme and “Greased Lightnin’”. Drummer Seb then offered a solo that had attracted thousands of online views, leading Scott to suggest a collaboration with the melodica player who had sounded suspiciously like Chris Martin.
Bruce Forsyth was shown carrying the Olympic torch past BBC Television Centre and performing his trademark pose. Reanna stayed for an Oh, What’s Occurring? round matching celebrity autobiographies to their authors, identifying Sylvester Stallone’s Sly Moves and Les Dennis’s Must the Show Go On?, while other titles belonged to Andy Murray, Courtney Love, Tori Spelling and Ant and Dec. The team also considered using “Go on, pigs” to distract rival divers during the Games.
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