Kelly Brook arrives to begin her presenting duties on the relaunched Surgery feature, while Scott pursues an increasingly elaborate campaign to convince listeners to name their unborn children Spider Pig.
The show opens with Kelly Brook, who’s joining the Surgery segment as a co-presenter from 14 September onwards. Scott and Kelly discuss her settling into the studio, with Kelly admitting she’s still learning the equipment (“button school”). Scott playfully proposes ringing Kelly with his drunk calls from the pub around 10:30pm, and mentions a recurring neck problem as a sample Surgery question. They reminisce about past medical mishaps, including the time Scott thought he had a tapeworm as a child and considered it a weight-loss opportunity.
Scott then shifts to his Christmas morning show challenge: he’s tasked the team with sourcing better guests daily, offering payment to secure them. He suggests Kelly might be called by producers looking to book her.
The main comedic thrust of the episode involves Scott’s “Spider Pig” baby-naming campaign. Drawing from a Facebook hoax where someone claimed their child would be named Spider Pig if 100,000 people joined a group (the wife wasn’t even pregnant), Scott launches a genuine appeal to pregnant listeners willing to name their baby Spider Pig, offering Snow Patrol VIP tickets as incentive. A caller named Chris from Wales bites immediately, agreeing to name his unborn baby Spider Pig in exchange for tickets—though the gender is unknown, making the unisex name conveniently perfect.
Later, Scott discusses Laura’s new TV show, Help Me Anthea, presented by Anthea Turner, which follows her tackling household infestations like cockroaches. Scott finds the show’s horror-film music and presentation absurd for what amounts to basic pest control, contrasting it mockingly with actual scary programming. He plays a clip of the episode featuring a couple named Desire and Timmy dealing with cockroaches, complete with dramatic music and zoom-ins on insect droppings.
The episode closes with a caller from Dundee complaining that the “Ladies of Brass” song is upsetting her children during dinner, leading Scott to gleefully encourage her kids to sing it more.
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