Alright Treacle? It’s Kelly with today’s Unofficial Mills review…
Scott started today’s show with a very sad Alright Treacle. He’s incredibly sad that his huge campaign didn’t work and the Hoff only got to number three. He’s also got a bit of man-flu but doesn’t want to talk about it. What he really doesn’t want to talk about is the fact that he won’t be in Hoff: The Musical and got incredibly edgy when someone played the montage of Hoff clips. Poor Scott.
Today, whilst walking down the road to Radio 1’s HQ, Scott saw someone he knew and shouted “OI” at him. It turns out that it was Chris Parker (Spencer from Eastenders and Scott doesn’t actually know him at all! Apparently Chappers once did the same thing to Gary Lineker. There was also a caller on that once shouted to a Page 3 model who (according to Chappers) has been 23 for about eight years now.
The next caller was Gemma. Gemma has just returned from her holidays to find two unidentifiable photos on her digital camera. One of half a man’s face, the other of a willy. She has no idea who either the face or the willy belong to, although it’s definitely not the bloke her friend got off with. She made her check!
Scott: What’s it like?
Chappers: Don’t ask that! I don’t want to know!
Scott: I do! We’ve all done it…
Laura was intrigued by the last statement and wanted to know if Scott had ever taken a picture of his willy. Scott denied it but Chappers informed us that he blatantly had because went very red. Lovely…
Scott was all excited because Noel Edmonds has a new album out which features soothing tracks with Noel providing subliminal messages throughout the album. Turns out it’s very disappointing and crap. (Also, I found out that Noel once called Comedy Dave a “cretin” so I don’t like him anymore.) A montage of the album tracks with clips of Deal or No Deal was then played because this is how Scott wanted the subliminal messages to sound. He promptly received a text saying “That’s the idea of subliminal messages, Der-Brain!” which soon shut him up!
Flirt Divert
Flirt Divert was next, with two memorable messages from over the weekend. One was from a guy who wants to take some girl out to a gold course because she took him for an Indian last time. Chappers decided that he’d like to go out with him! The other was from some random bloke who had gotten the Flirt Divert number in an unusual way. It was left on his car windscreen, apparently. He sounds very much like David Walliams. There was also a lady on who had just been left a phone number on her windscreen with a message to call if she wanted to go out. She tried three times but there was no answer so they’ve now missed their chance. Scott then received a text from someone who got a message saying “Meet me at (insert place here) tomorrow night.” She didn’t turn up and then, two days later, got another message asking why she didn’t turn up! Weird…
The first song on Your Call was Jump In My Car by the legend that is David Hasselhoff. Scott’s still sad about it not being number one and he, personally, blames Razorlight. The second girl didn’t buy the Hoff’s single, insulted Scott then requested Put Your Hands Up For Detroit. Whatever.
Good show today. No mention of Celebrity Scissorhands which Scott is allegedly taking part in this year for Children In Need. Could it possibly be true? Listen tomorrow to find out!
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