Morning, it’s only bley Friday and here’s the final review of the first week of Scott’s Breakfast Show…
Morning Banter
Chappers was feeling too well after doing television work until late last night, and so was looking the tiredest he’s ever been. It turns out yesterday’s Page 3 girl Freya, who Scott implied was a bit hairy, had a bit of photo shop treatment in the late edition of The Sun and so not all readers saw her hairy body.
**** Put Your Hands Up For Scott Mills… He loves this city… ****
Scott has decided those with fake tan and white teeth should stick together…
Scott received numerous requests for him to play the Jordan and Peter clips. He feels really bad about it all, and is feeling a bit emo. He even cried at a repeat of X Factor the other night. He thinks he may have ruined her life, especially if the clip isn’t of her. He hasn’t even been told to say this.
Plus everyone has to be nice to Laura’s Boyfriend the J-Fed. He’s done a version of Brokeback Mountain on YouTube with cats called ‘Bearback Mountain’. But it’s quite rubbish, and has only had 1 star. He thinks the cats are gay, so he got some clips of the cats on his bed. Things are that dull in their six month relationship, he’s resorted to this!
Laura: “Just go into YouTube and type in ‘bearback’ in to the search”
Chappers: “You’re kidding me, you want me to type that into Google?!”
Writing this at the weekend, the movie which can be found here has three and a half stars now. Scott also found a better version involving gay dogs, but it’s better taking a look at it. Scott had now set off a lot of dogs belonging to listeners.
The Great American Phone Book
Chappers thinks George will spend her weekend phoning people from the American Phone Book for her amusement. This morning Scott gave Randy Gaylord a call. Apparently there’s a lot of Gaylord’s in Florida.
If you check out rgaylord.org you can see his website. He’s actually a politican. Would you “trust Randy Gaylord”? You can even e-mail Randy or suggest something to one of his comittee members Karl Bender…
Toilets with brushes… whatever next?
Chris was on the phone, and said he found a toilet in a pub with a toilet brush, but no toilet seat. He had to squat. Scott had to sit on the actual toilet when it happened to him before, even without toilet paper around the rim (of the toilet). Chappers does that even if there is seat a seat, but then again he has issues with toilets, he even tries to close and open the door with his elbows. If needs must he pulls his shirt over his hands to open the door. Anyway, if you’re looking for a pub with a toilet brush, try The Sausage in Lemington Spa.
On that note, Kat in Glasgow has a problem with going in pub toilets. She has to hold on all day. Georgina can’t go to the toilet in a pub either. Anton on the A14 was in a pub toilet, saw a bloke who didn’t wash his hands, just dry them under the dryer. Scott read that Zane Lowe doesn’t was his hands, but it was probably just a one off, obviously. Now it’s likely they’ll shove their hands in peanuts at the bar.
Anton: “Or the olives…”
Chappers: “What kinda pubs do you go into if there are olives at the bar?”
Laura’s Diary — Episode 5
Mary has spent yesterday talking German in a camp accent which she was finding highly amusing. Meanwhile, the extract for Friday came from 23rd August 1998. Laura had met Ben in the Golden Fleece, and he has decided that when he goes to university, he wants to go as a single man. She thinks she’s making a tasty chocolate cake which she can’t eat. She feels it’s like working for no money. It’s a time bomb ticking away, and sometime quite soon, it’s all going to be over. “What’s the bloody point” asks Laura.
Chappers: “And you can’t even have cake…”
Scott: “Oh god, how emo”
Every one now started to hate Ben from the diary on the texts. Remember, it was 1998! It was ages ago. But one text did think Ben was a legend. So he wants to go to university as a single man, and she has to act like everything is okay until the end. He’s off to Sheffield University, whilst Laura has already spent a year in a long distance relationship at Glasgow University. But according to Laura the other boys at university she spent time with “doesn’t count”.
Scott broke the news that long distance relationships and relationships at university never happen, and it always up going wrong.
Scott: “Don’t go to university with a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Dump them now. Do the right thing!”
The texts soon changed after hearing the stories of Alan from Series 4 and Mr X. Laura said she only got off with him because she was missing Ben, and she only flirted with Mr X.
Chappers: “Ben darling I miss you… C’mon here Alan… (makes eating/snogging noises)”
Rich was on from Loughborough, found his relationship with his girlfriend lasted two weeks at university. Claire on the other hand wants to know if she should dump her husband, as she’s a mature student who has just joined. Scott thinks she should dump him.
**** Chris Moyles is on a tour of the best book shops in the UK… so in the meantime it’s The Chris Moyles Show with Scott Mills ****
The Florist Game
The Florist Game was back on, and this time it was in America. Scott chose to send his flowers today to Randy Gaylord. He sent: “Sorry about these flowers, they are all I can afford, they are from the worst florist I could find, seriously this flower shop is terrible, and I’m sure the flowers will be dead in a matter of minutes.” I’m sure Randy will be flattered. Don’t you think after some flowers and a call to his home he’ll find Scott quite stalkerish!
You’d be crapping your pants if you saw these two in the street… wouldn’t you?
I’m so proud I put my name on it!
Scott had just heard that Vernon’s guest was George Foreman off of the grill. Chappers is concerned about health and safety if they’re cooking a fry up. Obviously not George Thornby, like Laura thought. Like me, Scott didn’t know George Foreman was once a boxer. Many callers were backing him up on this.
Chappers: “You know Frank Bruno used to be a boxer too, he doesn’t just star in panto…”
Hoff Mania
Finally it was time to release The Hoff! He loved the show, but couldn’t remember his favourite bit. He went to see the Scissor Sisters in concert last night. He thinks they must bat for the other side, but he didn’t get anywhere though. It was another mystery voice competition, but who is it?
Today’s prize was a Safari Trip, but in reality was Jeckyl and Hyde – The Musical on DVD. Remember, calls only cost £250 a minute – but the prize is worth it.
**** The Chris Moyles Show with Scott Mills – something kinda ooh, jumping on my toot toot, something kinda ooh, jumping on my toot toot… ****
The first caller was Ben off of Kidderminster who was up to doing anything he wants with The Hoff. He’s in to football, hanging out with his mates, and watching Knight Rider. He had quite a gathering when he asked his work colleagues who the mystery voice was. Ben and his mates incorrectly guessed Johnny Borrell.
Martin and Matt were also on with his mate. He was in a van on the A303 in Southampton. He had all of The Hoff’s movies and even knew a bit of German. He would bat for the other side just for David.
Scott: “I’m not after what he’s saying… I just want to know who he is”
Chappers: “There isn’t a clue in what he says”
He thought it was George Clooney, and was hopelessly wrong.
Finally we had Caroline was on, and thought it was Will Smith. She was correct, and took home Jeckyl and Hyde – The Musical on DVD. The Hoff says he’ll see Scott on Monday, and will be spending his weekend at an owl sanctuary.
Are these nine involved in Scott’s top secret work this weekend?
Scott went off to do some waxing of Jo Whiley’s hairy feet, whilst Scott’s doing some very top secret work at the weekend which he can’t talk about. We might hear more about that on Monday, who knows.
The Geek Speaks
A very good show today – although personally I think The Florist Game and The American Name Game aren’t as funny after five constant days of the features. Out of ten? An eight or a nine today as the banter was good as was Hoff Mania and Laura’s Diary.
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