It’s only bley Tuesday, and it’s time for another informative Scott Mills review courtesy of Unoffical Mills…
Morning Banter
I’ve been told I’m very similar to Scott, no more so than when he told a story this morning about the night he’d had. Yeah, bear with me on this story. So Scott’s flat is opposite a pub, which has a tanning salon at the end of the road. Unfortantly this causes problems for Scott, especially when there’s a karaoke night going on at the pub. Last night whilst he was trying to sleep at half ten, he kept hearing some annoying woman belt out Shania Twain. And to top it all off last night Scott had a power cut. His radio was still on, so it must have been just part of his house. He just needed to find the trip switch to turn it all back on. But just like me, he couldn’t find it, and so would rather spend the night with some candles instead. But it all went a bit Pete Tong, as he ended up with aromotherapy candles (why does he have them?) and ended up missing the pan whilst going to the toilet.
Joel has decided he’ll be going to Moyles’ book signing dressed as an old woman. So the team have decided they won’t be joining him.
A guy called in to say he’s driving, and has man flu. He has the need to want to sneeze, but needs to keep his eyes on the road, so needs to keep them open. But rumour has it his eyes will pop out. One caller heard Michaela Stratton could sneeze with her eyes open, and she used to do kissograms, so it is quite possible. The usual jokey responses were coming in to the text number, such as reports of eye balls flying around the motorway at 90 mph.
The Great American Phone Book
This morning Scott made calls to both Willy Stroker and Harry Beaver. We weren’t quite sure if Harry Beaver actually lived at the house where Scott called, it was a very misleading call.
My Old Man’s A Dustbin Man…
Scott’s been quite busy, and even made a phone call to his mother yesterday. She wants to see Andy Abraham off of X Factor as he’s going on tour soon. And this means Scott will most likely have to go. He really doesn’t want to as he’s already had to sit through Buddy Holly – the musical, Celine Dion and Tina Turner in recent years. He asked if any one wants to go with her if he buys the tickets, because he hates being dragged along to events he doesn’t want to be at. Chopper recalls being dragged along to Simply Red once, although I think it does sound like his scene. Performances that listeners had been dragged along to included Journey South, Cliff Richard, Meat Loaf, Phil Collins and Westlife. There’s some amazing listeners out there clearly…
Laura’s Diary — Episode 2
Laura’s sister Fox Mary was back on again today with an extract from the 19th of August 1998.
Laura and Ben ended up in the pub with Ralf (pronounced ‘Raif’) and his new girlfriend. Laura hadn’t met her before, but thought she was a bit weird. The girlfriend took her into the toilet to show her a mushroom tatoo she has, presumably fueling more rumours she’ll become a lesbian this season. She’d had seven bottles of Hooch, and Ralf was doing his Boyzone dancing. What a night out they were having. To top it all off, Ben had to be put into a taxi after he was sick all over her. Laura decided to come clean and tell daddy she smokes lesuirely sometimes in the pub, but she shouldn’t have said anything, as she was told she had let him down, and he expected more of her. He said he hadn’t paid for private school so she could throw it all away. She pointed out he smokes sometimes and has cigars. She conjours up the image of him looking like David Blunkett wearing a top hat, a night shirt and smoking cigars. She was listening to the last mix tape that Ben gave to her and features the last song of U2 – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. What does that mean, is it that they have no future together? At the end of the diary entry, she didn’t know why she got up today. “No one appreciates how hard it is being me. I never gets anything right.”
It’s clear from this entry, that if emo’s existed in 1998, she’d have been one.
One caller claimed like Ben, their partner had chosen U2 – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For at an inappropriate time. It was their song on their wedding day. But thankfully they’re still together. He hasn’t found what he’s looking for yet.
Much amusing talk following this about Daddy and his top hat. Apparently he sticks fruit in it and ivy at Christmas depending on the occasion. Scott and Chappers joked that he probably sticks easter eggs on it at Easter, and sparklers on fireworks night. Mary sent a picture of Daddy in his top hat, and Scott was threatening to put it online.
Celebrity Scissorhands
So Scott’s going on Celebrity Scissorhands for Children In Need, involving a group of “celebrities”. Scott has to start training on the 23rd of October, and if you go to Radio 1 Online, you can fill in a form and have your hair cut by Scott.
Scott: I think I could do facials alright, and Laura’s up for a Brazillian
The Florist Game
So will a florist really put anything in a card? Scott wanted to order some flowers for his father. But were they prepared to put this message on a card with the flowers: “I couldn’t believe you slept with him, you dirty ****. By the way, mum says you are not my dad, it was the plumber. You are a ****. Birthday wishes, dad, from Scott.”
Pretty much. They were quite happy to put it on a card, and the florist continued by asking for his credit card number. More florist game fun tomorrow.
Hoff Mania
And finally, it was time for Hoff Mania. The Hoff was speaking French today, and revealed he doesn’t actually listen to the show, so he couldn’t tell if he liked Laura’s Diary today. He wished Scott a Happy Birthday, and even baked him a cake. A few months too late. Last night The Hoff went on a date with all of the Sugababes, and they went to Pizza Hut. He thinks they bat for the otherside because they weren’t interested in having a spicy sausage from him.
Today The Hoff wanted to know what the mystery sound is, and the prize? A luxury speed boat. In Scott Mills budget terms that’s a copy of the 1998 movie Witchcraft starring himself.
The Hoff: Calls cost £6 billion per minute! Hoff Mania!
Pete from Bournemouth was on today trying to identify the mystery sound.
The Hoff: Ca va?
Pete: Errrr…
Scott: Just say, ‘oui, ca va’.
Pete: Ahhh… Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Pete was quite the charmer.
Scott: May be you could jump in his car?
Pete: I’ll jump on more than that!
Pete had one of The Hoff’s videos already on when he rang in. Sadly he didn’t identify the correct answer, answering that the sound was a ‘ghost’. Jay was also on, he had brought the single too. He thought it was ‘Kitt with a hangover’, but was hopelessly wrong. Another Jay was on, and used to look like The Hoff until he had his hair shaved off. Jay thought the sound was a ghost train. He was wrong too. Sarah from Leeds also called in too, and thought the sound was Aled in GAY. No correct answers today, so the movie stays with Scott. Lucky him. The answer of course was the wind rushing through an igloo. For the rest of the day The Hoff is off to stalk Edith Bowman.
Geek Speak
The show was a lot better than yesterday, with Hoff Mania being better to understand, and some good callers to keep the joke running. An extra feature at 8.50 kept things consistant, and the banter was of a high standard.
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