The invitation arrives
The British Kebab Awards had become an annual landmark for Chris after his last-minute appearance the previous year. Founder Ibrahim called with poor reception before returning on a landline to invite Scott, Chris and the team to Wednesday’s ceremony.
Both presenters would be brought on stage to present an award and say a few words. Chris remembered reaching the previous event in a hurriedly obtained jazzy suit and having a drink spilled over him shortly before his speech. Scott promised a full commitment, and they immediately began searching for outfits capable of matching the scale of the occasion.
Chris also proposed using the stage to announce a date for the return of Innuendo Bingo. Scott doubted that an audience celebrating kebab businesses had been waiting for this information, but accepted that it would make the announcement feel suitably important.
Put microphones on the players
Scott wanted to know why television viewers could not hear footballers speaking during matches. Chris explained that players were not wearing microphones and that broadcasting everything said on the pitch would create obvious problems.
Scott still believed the unfiltered conversation would make football more appealing to viewers who did not follow the sport. Chris attempted to preserve some respect for the referee and the game, while Scott treated the missing dialogue as an unnecessary barrier to entertainment.
Johnny’s extra-hot plan
Listener Johnny promised his best story ever. On a date with a woman renamed Brenda for the broadcast, he took her to Nando’s and used his established trick of ordering plain chicken with an extra-hot flag. The plan normally made him appear capable of eating far spicier food than he had actually requested.
This time the restaurant supplied genuinely extra-hot chicken. Johnny tried to maintain the illusion, suffered through the meal and eventually retreated to the toilet while Brenda waited upstairs. She stayed until he returned, but Scott advised him to abandon the flag trick or at least check the order twice before attempting it again.
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