Madonna kisses Drake
Footage of Madonna kissing Drake at Coachella dominated Scott and Chris’s morning. The force of the kiss and Drake’s expression made it impossible to tell whether he had expected it, although Scott accepted that Madonna had a history of making such moments happen without warning.
Scott also celebrated Ken Brown’s return to BBC golf coverage at the Masters. Brown’s on-course demonstrations, flags and handwritten notes delighted viewers, while Scott remained unable to see him without hearing the old Innuendo Bingo line about soaking balls in hot water.
Clearing out Facebook
Chris had accumulated 925 Facebook friends by adding as many people as possible when the service first appeared. He now wanted it to contain only genuine friends and had developed a ruthless system: if he would not write “happy birthday” on somebody’s wall, he removed them when Facebook announced their birthday.
One name belonged to an old boyfriend of Scott’s. Chris had inspected the profile and wanted Scott to see what the man now looked like, while Scott insisted that the relationship was long finished and he had no curiosity.
They eventually agreed to make it reciprocal. Scott would see the former boyfriend Chris had found, Chris would inspect one of his own exes, and listener Beth would join them with somebody she had dated until the previous November.
Scott thought his ex’s new profile picture looked uncomfortably corporate. Chris said his former girlfriend looked different and was reminded of unhappy memories, while Beth felt similarly detached. After a countdown, all three deleted the profiles together.
The process was more therapeutic than expected, although Scott said the only physical change was that Facebook felt slightly lighter.
Arnold Schwarzenegger interrupts Journey
A colleague had streamed “Don’t Stop Believin’” and received the familiar Journey recording until Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly began counting repetitions and ordering him to move up and down.
The track was part of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Body Workout. Once Scott had the commands on buttons, he played “up, down” over almost every other song and turned “one big one” into the afternoon’s unavoidable payoff.
The same colleague might have chosen “It’s Raining Men” and received Arnold’s instructions there too. Scott and Chris concluded that almost any anthem became stranger when Schwarzenegger appeared midway through it.
Big Weekend secrets for sale
Scott knew the unannounced Radio 1 Big Weekend line-up and found it increasingly difficult to stay quiet before Grimmy’s official reveal. Chris offered £20 for the information, eventually raising the bid by a few pounds.
Scott rejected the price and suggested sealing his predictions in an envelope instead. The amount required to sabotage one of Radio 1’s biggest announcements would have to be considerably more substantial.
Dev’s Real or No Real established that “muhosive” had entered an Oxford online dictionary, Lethal Bizzle really had advised Muse about hostile Download Festival audiences and the Sunday Times genuinely complained in print about not receiving a Game of Thrones preview.
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