Chris sounds different from Bali
Scott called Chris a week into his first major long-distance holiday. The telephone delay made every exchange difficult, but Chris sounded relaxed enough to claim that Indonesia had changed him.
The evidence was limited. He was watching The Godfather, had eaten pizza and was drinking familiar beer rather than embracing an entirely new lifestyle. His attempts at haggling were also failing because guilt made him pay the original price, or occasionally more.
Chris promised to explain a particularly confusing massage after returning home. He had bought a local beer holder, considered gifts for Scott and survived the monkeys, but there was still a week of the trip left.
Farmers Only comes to Britain
Newlyweds had discovered the American and Canadian dating site Farmers Only during their honeymoon and sent its unforgettable advert to the programme. Scott immediately decided to create an unofficial British version before the service reached the country itself.
He found two single farmers and placed them together on the telephone. Their conversation quickly became agricultural Top Trumps: numbers of cattle, goats kept as pets, land owned and whether either could drive a tractor.
The countryside judges harshly
Listeners from farming backgrounds were unimpressed by one participant’s lack of tractor skills and dismissed a modest holding as a large garden. Others began sending specifications for the ideal partner, including thousands of acres and no siblings.
The exchange was awkward enough to exercise everybody’s “cringe gland”, but Scott emerged convinced that he had become Radio 1’s new matchmaker for farmers.
Dev is offered Scott’s dance training
Scott’s Strictly practice had reached the point where he wanted to pay Dev to attend in his place. A difficult session had left him frustrated with himself and temporarily convinced he could not complete the routine.
Dev’s previous salsa classes had mostly taught him the emotional difficulty of watching skilled men dance closely with somebody he fancied. Scott explained that celebrity partners and professional dancers required exactly that kind of maturity every day.
Dev then played Real or No Real, providing facts Scott expected listeners to reuse in the pub. By the end, the farmers and the Bali call had supplied more than enough stories of their own.
COMMENTS