No goals, no pizza and one unwanted hashtag
Brazil v Mexico had finished 0–0, but the second Red Button commentary still supplied enough drama. The promised pizzas never passed stadium security and reached the studio about 15 hours after the match. The replacement for the missing psychic was a mariachi band which appeared to know only a handful of tunes, so Scott and Chris repeatedly announced requested song titles over the same music.
The biggest reaction followed Chris’s effort to separate Cristiano Ronaldo from the former Brazilian striker. He called the latter “fat Ronaldo” as an affectionate description, only for #FatRonaldo to trend worldwide. Daniel Sturridge objected on Twitter and Michael Owen used a considerably less broadcastable description of Chris. Scott enjoyed the spectacle of England internationals rebuking his co-commentator while Chris insisted that he had meant no disrespect to one of his heroes.
Scott thought the pair had improved: Chris had reduced his “of course” count, Scott knew more player names and neither had been surprised by the rhythm of a live match. Chris nevertheless felt abruptly surplus to requirements once it ended. Their scheduled commentary work was over, so he began pushing #OneMoreGame.
Chris writes his own “If—”
Chris marked the experience with a World Cup version of Rudyard Kipling’s “If—”. His poem covered trying to sound like a professional pundit, watching a co-commentator give up, losing a pizza order, relying on mystics and Mexicans, receiving abuse from England heroes and eating a chilli supplied by Bosch.
It was both a proud summary and an appeal. He had treated the broadcasts as a BBC Sport audition, whereas Scott had initially seen them as two strange evenings added to the radio show. By the end, both wanted another match.
Bamboleo reaches the weather map
The programme’s Wednesday “Bamboleo” tradition expanded into television weather. BBC presenter Nina Ridge delivered a forecast in front of a map on which Brazil had been covered with sunshine symbols and the word “Bamboleo”. Scott and Chris danced through the forecast and declared that the middle of the week had officially become hump day.
The visual joke depended on a song with no connection to meteorology, but it looked convincing enough to belong on a real forecast. Nina kept the delivery professional while the presenters treated every patch of Brazilian sunshine as confirmation that their anthem worked.
Some days you are the pigeon
Scott had noticed earnest life mottos spreading across social media. Fitness pictures came with instructions about pain and strength; another maxim said that some days you were the pigeon and some days the statue. Chris was unconvinced by YOLO and by advice that every moment should be treated as the last.
The discussion reached a student nurse whose philosophy was that life was too short to use the toilet. She clarified that she saved time by urinating in the shower, a practical interpretation which demolished any remaining inspirational tone.
Alice Levine meets a patriotic parrot
Alice Levine again played Real or No Real under the name Barbara Windsor. An Australian radio station had not accidentally broadcast Scott and Chris’s commentary, despite the story sounding plausible after their earlier encounter with Australian breakfast radio. Jeremy Paxman really did mark his final Newsnight by riding a tandem bicycle with Boris Johnson.
A parrot really had learned the Great Escape theme, “England” and “Rooney” for the World Cup. The Vamps had not stolen Clean Bandit’s violin case at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. Scott won the round 30–20, ending the day with his reputation in better condition than Chris’s.
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