The legs are out
Warm weather brought bare legs into the Radio 1 office, but Scott immediately noticed that Chris’s face appeared much darker than his legs. Chris denied using tinted moisturiser and complained that every Monday began with Scott inspecting and judging what he wore. Scott argued that a little tanning product on the legs prevented precisely this mismatch.
Chris had split his only good pair of summer shorts while kicking a football around outside a pub. A small tear became an enormous hole, forcing him to cover it and continue. Scott remembered DJing at a student radio conference with his suit trousers split all night because nobody warned him, while listeners supplied their own stories of carrying on after similar wardrobe failures.
Scott had also appeared on Sunday Brunch, where he ate doughnuts, tried Rizzle Kicks’ ribs and was finally trusted to mix banana into flour for a peanut-butter cake. Chris felt the presenters’ questions about radio resembled an uncle trying to understand what a DJ did, although Scott enjoyed being allowed closer to the kitchen than on his previous visit.
One hour of “We Are One”
Scott and 5 Seconds of Summer had arranged studio time for the following day. Calum Hood had already established his football credentials, while Scott planned to oversee the record and possibly contribute a rap. He compared himself with John Barnes on “World in Motion”, prompting Chris to defend Barnes’s performance as untouchable and warn Scott that even discussing a better rap placed him under impossible pressure.
Before starting their own song, Scott wanted to settle whether Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez’s “We Are One (Ole Ola)” might improve with repetition. He locked Chris in a Radio 1 studio and played it continuously for an hour. A sped-up video documented the experiment without making viewers endure the soundtrack.
Chris reported that an awful first listen became worse by the 60th minute. Repeated exposure made him notice an abrupt section featuring Brazilian singer Claudia Leitte even more, and he emerged feeling sick. The result gave Scott confidence: whatever he and 5 Seconds of Summer produced, the official song had left them room to compete.
Chris warns London about its sweaty backs
With temperatures above 20C, Scott sent Chris outside to inform strangers that they had sweaty backs. He approached commuters with an increasingly urgent “wet back” warning, leaving several people twisting around to inspect clothes that were often perfectly dry.
Scott encouraged him to make the final announcement louder. Chris selected multiple passers-by, shouted descriptions of their clothes and yelled that their backs were wet before running away. The exercise left his own back considerably sweatier than those of most people he had interrupted.
Big Weekend plans and Laura Wetmore
Scott hinted that he would appear during somebody else’s DJ set when Big Weekend opened on Friday. Chris suspected he had responded to not being formally invited by creating his own role, but Scott promised the intervention had at least been discussed with the artist involved.
Laura Whitmore was due to play Innuendo Bingo the following day. Warm weather led male listeners to request a bikini edition and inspired the inevitable “Laura Wetmore” nickname. Scott was willing to ask, while Chris wondered what the equivalent outfit would be for him.
Greg James reads the riders
Greg James joined Real or No Real ahead of an interview with Hulk Hogan. Lorde had not requested local literature recommended by a nearby library on her Big Weekend rider, despite sounding exactly like somebody who might read quietly before a performance.
Lana Del Rey really had used the stage name Sparkle Jump Rope Queen while singing in New York bars. Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, really had “That’s all folks” engraved on his gravestone. Algeria’s official World Cup slogan did not translate as “We’re just pleased to be here”.
Greg won 30–20 and celebrated what he called a purple patch. Scott and Chris were more interested in replacing the old studio slogan “Scott entertains the nation” with their boss’s Radio 4 description of Innuendo Bingo: “It’s not very sophisticated, but it’s funny.”
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