Scott and Chris go back in time
Scott and Chris arrived after a morning filming the visual side of their alternative “#Selfie” project. Alexis Killacam, the voice on The Chainsmokers’ track, had recorded new versions in which she witnessed famous moments from history. Scott and Chris then dressed for the appropriate periods and mimed along.
Scott was still wearing wet-look hair gel and described himself as looking like a member of Busted ten years too late. Earlier work for a Eurovision photo shoot had left him in red crushed velvet and eyeliner. Chris had been dressed normally until the production decided he should join in, leaving his hair so firmly stuck down that he felt “flammable”. The finished film would recreate the moon landing, England’s 1966 World Cup win and two more historical events.
The Royal Wedding gets a Selfie commentary
Alexis first turned the Royal Wedding into a running commentary from somebody more interested in outfits and gossip than constitutional history. Prince Harry was “so British” and ginger, while Catherine Middleton’s Alexander McQueen dress, Pippa Middleton’s appearance and the decision to marry in Westminster Abbey were all reviewed with the confidence of somebody comparing the event with her prom.
The Great Plague received the same treatment. London was disgusting, a bubo was “literally the size of an egg” and a black tongue suggested events were becoming serious. Scott was especially proud of having helped write the lyrics. He also argued that the brief, fact-filled piece might genuinely help somebody facing a test, although Chris was less certain that a plague victim would pause for a selfie.
Bamboleo Wednesday nearly becomes an emergency
The weekly playing of “Bamboleo” began with the usual listener celebrations, including students trying to revise. A small piece of food became lodged in Scott’s throat shortly after the song started. He refused to let the emergency interrupt the feature and imagined the strange dignity of dying during Bamboleo Wednesday.
They let the song continue much farther than usual and discovered sections they did not normally reach. The Vamps had also recorded themselves dancing to it during a recent studio visit, so the show directed fans towards the video and promised to share a link.
Royals should do fewer things
Footage from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s Australian tour showed both trying to DJ. Scott thought the ceremonial praise surrounding royal appearances made honest assessment impossible. Their earlier cricket had been poor, yet everybody applauded, and their turntable scratching amounted to moving the record backwards and forwards while a track played underneath.
He liked William and Catherine but wanted them to attempt fewer activities and do those things well. If the same performance happened in a club, he argued, the DJ would be removed. Chris noted that Scott had himself been thrown off decks before, although for different reasons.
Alice Levine plays Real or No Real
Alice Levine joined by phone for Real or No Real. Paolo Nutini really had auditioned for S Club Juniors and been rejected, prompting Scott to remember nearly joining the enormous audition queue himself. Coldplay had never been called The Nuclear Toasters, although their genuine early names, Pectoralz and Starfish, sounded scarcely more plausible.
“Schlumperdink” really described the awkward dance in which two approaching people repeatedly move to the same side. The final claim, that Gogglebox couple Steph and Dom had met while working at Wimpy as teenagers, was false. During the discussion Scott badly misused the phrase about carpets and curtains while trying to describe Alice as both posh and fun. Chris and Alice explained that he had said something entirely different, leaving Scott to apologise as Alice blushed safely away from the studio.
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