Jessica Lowndes enters the studio
Jessica Lowndes thought Radio 1’s plastic-covered studio resembled either a crime scene or a room being decorated. Before Innuendo Bingo, Scott reviewed the extraordinary life of her 90210 character Adrianna Tate-Duncan: drug addiction, pop stardom, stealing a dead man’s songs, switching a friend’s medication, pregnancy and giving up the baby for fame. Lowndes added that Adrianna had cleaned up her life but remained addicted to drama.
Scott worried about ruining his guest’s immaculate appearance, but she had arrived in waterproof mascara and insisted she was ready. That confidence survived the opening clip about Daft Punk discussing their helmets, followed by an antiques programme’s search for the right man to appreciate a large banana.
A thoroughly wet Innuendo Bingo
Lowndes quickly proved willing to soak Chris. The Cube asked what somebody had to do with two guys, while Dan and Phil discussed something heavy, hairy and genuine. Patrick Kielty exclaimed “Oh, Willie”, birdwatchers admired a stunning creature and Vanessa Feltz considered enhancing the entrance to a front garden.
Formula One required a driver to avoid anything dramatic and bring it home, while FA Cup coverage discussed Carlos Tevez. A cook rubbed pork, a man on BBC Breakfast carried a ruler to measure the length of his item and a Hollyoaks character stood with sword unsheathed, ready to plunge.
By the closing clips, Lowndes’s waterproof preparation had reached its limit and both players were cold and drenched. Scott used an emergency final contribution from Vanessa, who had bought a new rabbit and could not wait to take it up the back garden. Lowndes accepted a towel after an appearance which listeners called an ideal break from revision.
Fish Pie Sue returns
The show replayed Louise’s call to Fish Pie Sue, including the methodical but unsuccessful attempt to establish whether the two women had ever cooked or eaten the dish together. Scott wanted another investigation for Friday and asked listeners to search through their contacts for forgotten people saved under descriptions rather than names.
Possible entries already ranged from holiday encounters to “Magaluf Boobs”. Anybody submitting a number had to be willing to telephone it live and endure the awkward opening question. Fish Pie Sue remained both the original mystery and the name of the feature.
Big Weekend merchandise in three days
A countdown displayed throughout Radio 1 showed fewer than four days until the Big Weekend in Derry-Londonderry. It made everybody in the building anxious and prompted Chris to revive his annual, extremely late plan to make money from event merchandise.
His first proposal was a Radio 1 nudie pen featuring Scott. A prototype showed only Scott’s upper body because the lower half had not yet been created. Other ideas included branded fish pies, bottles of water supposedly collected from Innuendo Bingo and masks of Radio 1 presenters.
Scott thought the water might sell because the studio bin contained months of contributions from famous guests, but obvious hygiene problems made it impossible. He was even less comfortable with strangers wearing his face and refused permission for a mask. Chris argued that a crowd filled with presenters’ faces would look spectacular when the television cameras passed over it, and promised to approach everybody else instead.
Charlie Sloth plays Real or No Real
Charlie Sloth returned to Real or No Real and discovered that Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield really had met during a school sports lesson where they were the two slowest and heaviest pupils. British train sockets were not powered by a wind turbine above the driver’s cab, although their unreliable output made the claim seem plausible.
Charlie had not been photographed outside Broadcasting House picking his nose, despite an ominous brown envelope appearing in the studio. Polaroid really did warn customers in 2004 not to shake their developing pictures despite the instruction in Outkast’s “Hey Ya!”, because leaving them flat produced a better result. Charlie finished ahead before agreeing that Chris could use his face for a Big Weekend mask, even though Scott still wanted nothing to do with the scheme.
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