Tom Deacon plays Innuendo Bingo
Tom Deacon joined Chris for the first Innuendo Bingo which listeners could watch live on their phones. Viewers tuned in from a tractor, the M25, a library and a college geology lesson, while Tom began by reminding Scott that he had recently failed to hold a lift for him.
Ken Bruce admired two beautiful puppies, Target reacted to an absolutely massive ring and Dinner Date stressed the importance of a well-lubricated plan. Moira Stuart repeatedly asked for another quickie, Alice Levine got her maracas out and a clip from World’s Most Dangerous Roads brought back Raimund from an earlier game.
Radio 4 planned a walk to Lord Hereford’s Knob, Time Team found copper still attached to the slag and a BBC Breakfast contributor shocked the studio by saying somebody had “fingered” Delia Smith. Football supplied a player powering one into Ashley Cole, while Terry Wogan intended to clear out his back passage and put flowers there.
The game ended with an annual Wang Clambash. Tom and Chris were left wet and cold, while the live mobile pictures gave listeners their first clear view of the studio’s protective sheeting and the amount of water travelling beyond the players.
Preparing for the Brit Awards final
Millie had won the chance to be represented by Scott in Radio 1’s competition for a place at the Brit Awards. Scott now had to answer questions about her in a final against Sara Cox, Nick Grimshaw and Greg James, each of whom was playing for a different listener. The responsibility gave him a stress dream and left him convinced that failing would ruin one of the biggest opportunities of Millie’s life.
He had only two minutes to learn as much as possible. Millie’s favourite One Direction member was Louis, her favourite television programme was Lost, she wanted to see Muse at the Brits and enjoyed pasta. Her favourite colour was green, she studied at Sheffield University, supported Fulham and planned to take her best friend Rhys if she won.
The rapid questioning became confused when Millie appeared to give different names for her best friend and struggled to choose some answers under pressure. Scott tried to separate Louis from One Direction, Liam from one answer and Rhys from another, while also remembering that her mother was a teacher, her father was a doctor, she had an older brother, played tennis and did not own any pets.
After the call, Scott planned to spend the hour before the final revising in a quiet corner with plenty of coffee. Listeners were worried by how stressed he sounded, while Chris noted that revision had never been one of Scott’s obvious strengths despite his degree.
A wedding follows the Tap End rules
The previous day’s wedding edition of 24 Years at the Tap End had convinced a listener called Sarah that she might be expected to get naked at her own reception. Chris refused to apply pressure but maintained that it should happen at any wedding he attended.
Sarah also considered asking the person conducting the ceremony to replace the conventional question with “Are you keen to take…?”. Chris regarded the possibility of a genuine “Are you keen?” appearing in a wedding as one of the greatest endorsements the feature could receive.
Greg James joins Real or No Real
Greg James and Jameela Jamil joined a chaotic Real or No Real. Ancient Egyptians really had shaved their eyebrows when mourning a cat, and the game said cuddling could improve the healing of bruises through the release of oxytocin. Animals were not more likely to mate when played David Attenborough’s voice, despite Scott appointing him head of the world’s animals.
Anatidaephobia was presented as the fear that a duck somewhere in the world was watching, sending the studio into an extended debate about where such a duck might hide. Miranda Hart had not waived her fee for the Diamond Jubilee concert in exchange for cured meats. Scott claimed a 30–10 victory over Greg before turning back to the far more important competition awaiting him at five o’clock.
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