The mystery of the spare tracksuit bottoms
An internal Radio 1 email asked whether anybody had tracksuit bottoms available to borrow. Scott found the request surprisingly intimate and questioned what emergency had created it. Chris admitted keeping spare clothing beneath his desk for different weather, although he denied it was there in case of an accident.
The sender then appeared outside the studio while Scott was discussing the message. Uncomfortable with confrontation, he lowered the blind and pretended she was no longer there. The eventual explanation was simple: Louise needed the trousers for yoga.
Huw Stephens plays Innuendo Bingo
Huw Stephens faced Chris in Innuendo Bingo after Chris had eaten a large double burger. Match of the Day described somebody jerking a ball over Begović, while Bake Off announced that bakers had an hour before somebody could sink their teeth into the buns.
Newsnight unexpectedly asked an author for his view of “this Dick”, sending water across Huw’s glasses. An American report discussed the power problems of Long Dick’s Sausage Emporium and the need to find it a new hole, while Tinie Tempah declared his love for two fingers.
More Bake Off material involved pulling and squeezing something until it looked like a drunken seaman. Emma Watson discussed why viewers might need tissues for her new film, Simon Cowell complained about getting juice on his hands and the bakers produced “absolute whoppers”.
Huw was thoroughly soaked by the end and still had to meet Jessie J afterwards. Scott finished by replaying the Coronation Street squirrel entering through the back door, one of the week’s most reliable clips.
Thomas’s five seconds in a police cell
Show introducer Thomas had been put in a police cell at the age of seven. His brother had taken money from their mother’s purse and initially shared it with Thomas before blaming him. Their father drove both boys to the police station and asked officers to frighten them into never stealing again.
Thomas was placed inside a cell for about five seconds. His brother cried, Thomas joined him despite not understanding the accusation, and both believed they might remain there permanently. The strategy worked in the sense that Thomas reported no subsequent criminal career.
Scott offered to revive his Hollyoaks role as a police officer for parents wanting to scare children who had taken money. Thomas had not seen the performance, but Scott regarded his police-car driving as convincing evidence of authority.
Real or No Real with Rhianna Dhillon
Film critic Rhianna Dhillon joined the game. Approximately one third of Americans genuinely flushed the toilet while still seated, and DogTV really was a channel created to entertain and stimulate dogs left at home.
Mountains were not fossilised tents erected by dinosaurs and filled with cavemen. Rubbing Marmite into the scalp did not prevent hair loss, while a framed photograph of Ian Beale remained perfectly legal in Kentucky. Rihanna scored 40 and Scott 50.
Dear Scott
A listener reminded Scott that he had casually offered him Chris’s job at a Southampton signing. Scott admitted the promise had been a convenient way to end the conversation and was not binding. Chris described Scott as unable to say no, although Scott insisted some of his agreements were genuine.
Another listener asked for the classical music used beneath the English reading of “Gangnam Style”. It was Craig Armstrong’s “Balcony Scene” from Romeo + Juliet, one of the programme’s regular pieces of emotional background music.
The feature also produced a link to Don Barrell, the former school rugby captain whose telephone number Chris had accidentally received instead of a girl’s. A pupil said Don now worked at Mill Hill School, leading to suggestions of a reunion and an Innuendo Bingo appearance. Chris wished him well but preferred Don to make contact first.
Their imaginary son Maximus Aurelius had meanwhile appeared in another off-key recording, this time playing an organ at a wedding. Scott said he wanted the same musician at his eventual ceremony, while Chris promised to investigate Maximus accepting paid engagements without parental approval.
Can Chris lie?
Chris’s first claim was that Rob Lowe was a friend of his uncle Frank and also his godfather. He knew too little about the actor to sustain the story and was quickly exposed.
The second story, being knocked unconscious during a volleyball match on a French campsite, was true. A teenage Chris ran into the net, rebounded and struck his head on the ground, receiving treatment from the campsite’s first-aid staff.
His final statement was the week’s recurring Kesha claim. Chris placed the supposed encounter in a Southampton hotel, but the team dismissed it and revealed that Kesha had recently spoken about an intimate experience with a ghost. Scott stressed that this was not the same unidentified person connected to their running joke.
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