Chris publishes 24 Years at the Tap End
Scott arrived in an early Christmas mood, encouraged by seasonal cups appearing in a coffee shop and a lunch with Chris. The pair discussed Christmas music, with Scott ready to hear Shakin’ Stevens, before moving on to an email from a listener who had been told he sounded just like Scott. Chris tried an impression of Beccy instead, boiling her down to orders about health and safety and complaints that Scott was “going red”.
The main event was Chris’s newly started autobiography, 24 Years at the Tap End. The title came from his belated realisation that he had spent his entire life lying with his head at the tap end of the bath, rather than the safer other way round. Scott supplied solemn music while Chris read passages from what he treated as a very serious work.
His opening chapter included an inventedly grand account of his birth, a claim that he had almost been called Pauric, his childhood fixation with birds, planes, football, the Red Power Ranger and Ghostbusters, and the heartbreak of missing a Cub Scouts trip to Legoland because of chickenpox. Chris then skipped through the book to the “baseball cap years” and a Malia lads’ holiday, which offered very little wisdom beyond not listening to a friend’s brother.
The autobiography also found room for an unreliable account of meeting Beccy. Chris claimed he had bought her a drink and a shot on a night out with Scott, described her as nervous and shy, then added an observation about her heart and breasts which Beccy immediately challenged. Scott took particular pleasure in pointing out that Chris had not got much further than a few disconnected chapters and was already hoping for a publisher.
Elsewhere, Dear Scott brought fan mail for Chris and requests to take part in the Radio 1 film. Scott asked listeners with a talent for jazz hands to send in a video, explaining that the film still needed contributions before its December deadline. Beccy also remained available for ceremonial light-switching, having been overlooked by a local carnival in favour of an X Factor hairdresser.
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