Scott discovers what he believes is the ultimate phrase to silence a busy public place after hearing a woman shout it at London Gateway Services, and tests it with listeners and celebrity guest Lorraine Kelly — while also checking on Fran’s progress with the F-Cup Cookie experiment.
After witnessing a woman unexpectedly yell “But I’m not wearing any knickers!” during a phone argument at London Gateway Services on the M1, Scott becomes convinced he’s found the perfect conversation-stopping phrase. He decides to test it on listeners in busy locations, starting with Rob at Morrisons in Checkhouse, who attempts the phrase but fumbles the delivery. A caller from a bus station in Wales performs better, shouting a variation (“But I’m wearing my girlfriend’s knickers”), prompting cheers from bystanders.
The highlight comes when Lorraine Kelly participates in a celebrity version of the “Silence the wherever you are” game while Christmas shopping in Stoke-on-Trent. After some initial hesitation and failed attempts to shout other phrases, she finally delivers the original line at full volume, and Scott confirms the shop does indeed go noticeably quieter.
The episode also continues the F-Cup Cookie experiment, in which listener Fran is eating special Japanese cookies supposedly designed to increase breast size as a Christmas present. On day two, Fran reports some slight tingling sensations but no visible growth yet. She agrees to send in close-up photos to document any changes, maintaining good humour about the ongoing guinea-pig experiment.
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