Unlucky Gary sets off
Scott’s friend Unlucky Gary was attempting his first festival and had chosen Glastonbury as the introduction. He began on a 1970s coach without a toilet, surrounded by mould, chewing gum and passengers eating falafel and mango. His ticket was waiting at the other end of the journey, an unnecessarily risky arrangement for someone with his history.
Gary had two battery packs, wellies and five days on site ahead of him. He was most excited about seeing Jess Glynne and had already heard enough about the healing fields to imagine a gathering of naked people around a campfire. Scott wanted one triumphant photograph in front of the Pyramid Stage, alongside reports of the disasters that seemed certain to happen first.
Higher or lower in the traffic
Thousands of festival-goers were stuck for hours under the trending hashtag Glastonbury traffic. Scott and Chris turned the captive audience into a game, selecting callers at random and guessing whether each satnav showed a higher or lower journey time than the previous one.
The navigation systems proved almost useless. People who had barely moved for hours were apparently 10, 15 or 18 minutes away, while one coach had switched off its engine beneath a bridge. A caller received a reading of six minutes despite having been stationary for 20.
Scott led until agreeing that the final answer should decide everything. The six-minute reading gave the all-or-nothing victory to Chris, although nobody believed the car would reach the gate in anything close to that time.
Three-nil and a talking toilet
The regular Bamboleo Wednesday offered a brief escape from the queues, with listeners joining from Spanish swimming pools, tractors, colleges and vehicles still nowhere near the festival.
In Battle of the Bangers, Scott’s Beyoncé and Sean Paul choice defeated Chris’s Twin Atlantic record. Scott reached three-nil and admitted he now feared losing the weekly clean sweep more than Chris feared suffering it.
Alice Levine joined Real or No Real, where a genuine story revealed that Brian Blessed had voiced talking toilets near the Pyramid Stage. One unit appeared transparent to the person inside but looked like a mirror from outside, a design Alice promised to find during the weekend.
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