Too many retro fragrances
The studio had received several old-fashioned perfumes and aftershaves after the previous week’s discussion. Chris sprayed six at once, creating the atmosphere of a teenager’s bedroom beside a nightclub toilet. Another team member received seven or eight sprays immediately before an important music-industry meeting.
The experiment proved that nostalgia worked best one bottle at a time. Nobody could identify an individual scent through the cloud, and everybody in the studio had to live with an idea that had seemed fun for only a few seconds.
The Sack of Shame changes shoulders
Scott revived the Sack of Shame as revenge. A Bluetooth loudspeaker was hidden in a rucksack worn by Chris. From a distant vantage point, Scott could see who entered Broadcasting House’s crowded glass lifts, type a message into his phone and make a synthetic voice announce it from Chris’s back.
The bag claimed that Chris was far more famous than his fellow passengers appreciated and demanded greater respect. It commented on somebody’s visible underwear line, accused lift users of needing deodorant and announced that Chris had become attracted to a stranger. Because Scott triggered each message just after the doors closed, Chris then had to complete the entire journey in silence with the people who had heard it.
He repeatedly apologised and insisted the voice was not his. That defence was weakened by the fact that every remark was coming from a bag attached to him. The video captured passengers avoiding eye contact, leaving as fast as possible and refusing to reward the stunt with a comforting laugh.
Listeners reported renewed cringe symptoms and proposed celebrity editions. Chris preferred that idea because it transferred the humiliation to somebody else; Scott was already considering which famous person could be persuaded to wear the speaker next.
Britain’s van drivers remove their trousers
A message arrived from somebody listening in his pants inside a hot van. Scott asked whether this was standard summer behaviour and received an alarming number of confirmations from drivers around the country. A digger operator also considered joining in.
The discussion turned a single piece of oversharing into a survey of Britain’s mobile workplaces. Air conditioning appeared optional; underwear broadcasting had become a heatwave strategy.
Scott records a free wedding voice-over
The previous day’s save-the-date videos inspired Andy, who was marrying Laura on 18 July 2015 at Bestwood Lodge. He asked Scott to provide the voice-over, then revealed that no video yet existed and Laura did not know about the plan.
Scott adopted his chart-announcer voice. Andy and Laura’s engagement in New York became the most anticipated collaboration since The Saturdays and Flo Rida, with the wedding presented as a chart entry approaching its moment of truth. An attempted joke about a new entry on the wedding night was abandoned before it damaged an otherwise polished recording.
Andy then asked for the audio file. Scott directed him to the podcast, having already supplied professional voice work for free and declined the follow-up suggestion that he should also DJ the reception.
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