Arg considers a new ringtone
James Argent from The Only Way Is Essex arrived in one of his favourite salmon-pink shirts. Scott remembered last seeing him at a fancy-dress party in a gorilla costume, while Arg spoke about filming the eighth series of TOWIE nearly three years after the programme began.
His ringtone had recently appeared on the show and was still One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. Arg said it was genuinely one of his favourite songs, but he was considering a replacement. Scott and Chris proposed the theme from 24 Years at the Tap End. Arg promised to use it for a week if he liked it and even try to get the ringtone heard on television.
Arg also described Joey Essex’s new beach-buggy-style car. A recent ride had been bitterly cold, making it far better suited to summer, but Arg expected the pair to have good times in it once the weather improved.
James Argent plays Innuendo Bingo
Arg had watched earlier Innuendo Bingo videos and understood the rules, but he was worried about his shirt and had brought nothing to change into. His team had advised him to pack spare clothes, only for Arg to assume he would be fine. Scott offered a Radio 1 T-shirt or even a onesie after the game.
The first clip sent Countryfile inside a golf club’s most historic building, before Homes Under the Hammer found somewhere to beat out a steady rhythm. Arg’s pink shirt quickly became translucent enough for Scott to compare the game with a wet T-shirt competition in Magaluf.
Radio 4 asked whether complaining would lead to somebody being fingered, a wildlife programme put its snake into position and Countryfile admired a vigorous stroke. Alice Levine had something stuck in her craw, while the familiar “You’ve got me” exchange and a Rod Stewart clip repeatedly defeated Chris before Scott could reach the intended line.
Rick Stein supplied the finale by describing a Majorcan lardy cake. The game left Arg soaked, his favourite shirt transformed and the studio convinced the video would become one of the feature’s most popular editions.
The compliment which is really an insult
Scott had met a woman who said she used to watch him on television years earlier and used to fancy him. He initially thanked her, then realised the sentence implied she no longer found him attractive. The programme had come from the short-lived UK Play channel and featured Scott, Vernon Kay and others presenting music videos and taking calls for three hours each day.
Listeners considered whether any similar remark could be worse. One woman had encountered somebody from school who asked, “Since when did you get hot?” Scott decided that was insulting about the past but at least complimentary about the present, leaving “I used to fancy you” as the more devastating verdict.
Huw Stephens plays Real or No Real
Huw Stephens joined Scott for Real or No Real. Customers in China really were allowed to relax and sleep in display rooms at IKEA, although Scott stressed that listeners should not attempt the same thing in British branches. Ministry of Sound had not recruited Brian Blessed to make its lift announcements for employees whose hearing had been damaged.
Miles Kane really had written “Inhaler” about his experiences with asthma. An empty Coca-Cola can did not produce the sound of America when placed against the ear, and Homes Under the Hammer was not releasing an album containing property-related songs by Madness, Paramore and Kate Nash.
The invented album nevertheless felt plausible because the television programme routinely selected songs which matched whatever was happening on screen. Scott demonstrated how Beyoncé’s “Irreplaceable” could accompany a description of old windows. He and Huw finished level on 40 points.
One day until the mystery interview
Scott continued teasing Chris about the Hollywood A-lister waiting for him after Friday’s show. Every other member of the team now knew the identity, leaving Scott afraid that he might accidentally say the name or reveal a clue.
Chris worried that the surprise would turn out to be somebody such as Danny Howard rather than a genuine film star. Scott promised the person had appeared in cinema releases, dismissed David Hasselhoff and reminded Chris that many listeners would be desperate for the opportunity. The uncertainty left Chris increasingly stressed as the interview moved one day closer.
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