Gemma Cairney returns to Innuendo Bingo
Gemma Cairney returned for her first Innuendo Bingo in some time and immediately made Scott and Chris self-conscious about their clothes. Chris had been wearing several woollen, blanket-like layers before Fearne Cotton described him as looking “very woollen”, while Gemma’s reputation for fashion made him assume that every jumper was being silently judged.
A listener suggested a new rule requiring both players to maintain direct eye contact rather than turning towards the bin when they lost their water. Gemma and Chris agreed, transforming every spray into a face-to-face confrontation. The game began with food clips about somebody receiving the ride of her life and meat being slapped before the return of Winterwatch supplied much of the strongest material.
The end of a beaver trail revealed a rather damp-looking object, while BBC Wales weather introduced the real meteorological term “the Pembrokeshire Dangler”. Sara Cox discussed looking at somebody’s flaps, and Winterwatch offered its guide to identifying tits. The constant eye contact meant neither player could quietly recover, and Chris observed that different parts of his face were now being hit by water of noticeably different consistency.
More clips followed from factual and entertainment programmes, with Gemma laughing, spraying and occasionally swallowing at the wrong moment. The cold water provided a sharp return to the feature after the Christmas break, and the combination of Winterwatch, regional weather and the new staring rule made the game substantially wetter than either player had expected.
Dear Scott
A listener remembered Chris declaring Shakira’s “She Wolf” to be the new “Hey Jude” and asked which modern tracks would eventually replace today’s classics. Chris nominated “Babycakes” by 3 of a Kind, Blazin’ Squad’s “Crossroads” and T2’s “Heartbroken” as records which could disappear temporarily before returning as the universally recognised songs of major public celebrations.
Scott tested the theory against Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” and imagined a future royal jubilee ending with “Babycakes”. The team agreed that every generation eventually promoted its own music into the established canon, although Chris’s choices suggested a future in which mid-2000s pop and garage occupied considerably more ceremonial space.
Another listener had embarrassed herself in an AS-level geography lesson when asked to define an SMP. Immersed in the show’s scoring system, she shouted “Danny Howard point” rather than “shoreline management plan”. Scott warned that the programme’s answer would not earn marks in an examination, even if it made complete sense in her daily life.
Real or No Real
People in Singapore really could be fined for failing to flush a public toilet. Scott and Chris accepted the country’s strict rules but struggled to understand how the offence could be enforced without an inspector waiting outside every cubicle. A dating site called Cupidtino really was restricted to Apple enthusiasts and did not allow registration from a Windows computer, which returned the conversation to people forming emotional attachments through technology.
The most alarming fact concerned pistachio nuts, which could spontaneously combust in the right conditions. Chris dismissed the idea because he had never sensed anything explosive while eating one, then had to warn listeners after discovering that it was real. The response briefly sounded as though every snack presented an immediate danger, forcing Scott to clarify that ordinary pistachio eaters did not need to panic.
A Magic 8 Ball did not become completely accurate when shaken hard enough. The claim nevertheless reminded them of the day Beccy had answered every work email according to the toy’s replies, giving serious production suggestions responses such as “possibly” or “it is decidedly so”. Chris ended with 20.6 points and the programme looked ahead to the next day’s farewell, when Beccy’s final rap and the team’s surprises would finally be revealed.
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