Howdoo sailor? You’ve got the lovely me guiding through you through the ups and ups of today’s show, hopefully you listened, it was a corker, even if Scott’s “Alright Treacle” was a bit off. Chopper suggested a week where Scott uses a different accent for the start of each show, is it wrong I’d really love that? If you were unfortunate enough to miss the show, then I would most certainly recommend listening again.
BBC3 – What is going on?!
Everyone knows BBC3 right? Famous for Doctor Who reruns (wahey) and the countless amount of Two Pints of Lager episodes it shows late at night. Well, Scott’s got a bit of a problem with the selection of programming on BBC3 currently, as there’s been a lot of risqué programmes on at the moment. First off was “Help! I smell of fish”. If you laughed at that (Chopper, I’m looking at you), then you are a mean, mean person, it’s a serious affliction to have to live with. I personally wouldn’t dream of laughing at that. *Ahem*. Scott was right in suggesting that they could have maybe been a bit more sensitive with the title of the programme, it is a bit “good mornin’!”. Then Scott brought up “F*ck off! I’m a hairy woman.”, to which Chopper added that there had been “F*ck off! I’m ginger.” Scott took a bit of convincing on that one, but I can confirm that it does exist, I watched it. It had the little guy off of Big Cook, Little Cook (quality programme!) who rides a spoon. I kid you not. There’s also been “F*ck off! I’m fat”, “My big breasts and me” and “My penis and everybody else’s”. Scott had a point, y’know.
Squeezing partners’ spots?
So Scott was in the park (and before you ask what he was doing there, he was walking through), and he noticed a couple nearby. The lad was leant face down with the girl straddling him (ooh er), and she was really intently squeezing the spots on his back. Yep, you read that correctly, Scott watches couples in the park. And he was complaining about the stuff on BBC3! Anyway, Scott wants to know if that’s normal, because he’d never let anyone squeeze his spots; that’s just mingin’. Laura then admitted that she often squeezes James’ spots, but they have an agreement she can’t pop any on his face or neck. And they wear those blackhead strips together, ahh true love…
Scott can’t whistle!
Scott’s got a problem- he can’t whistle, he was at the Prince gig with Shayne Ward, and Shayne did a really loud whistle. You know the ones where you put your fingers in your mouth then blow? (I can’t do them, but some can.) Now, Scott really wants to be able to do this as he doesn’t like to be made to feel inadequate, so he’s set about learning. Sarah from Manchester phoned up to teach Scott and Chopper this fine art, by instructing them to put their forefingers in their mouth and blow. Chappers and what seems to be half the country appears to have misunderstood this, and actually put four fingers from both hands, so eight fingers, in. This could be witnessed in every other car on the motorways, according to those who texted in. Scott also revealed he can’t make those farting noises with his armpit (tsk, I’m a lady, I shouldn’t be writing this), which prompted a lot of people texting in saying they can make farting noises with their legs and, interestingly, their boobs. This link also got an amazing innuendo bingo comment from Scott – “When I blow it doesn’t work!”. Hilarious. This leads me nicely onto…
Innuendo Bingo
As you may well know, Scott hosts the midweek lottery on Wednesday nights, and on being told the jackpot he said “That’s a big one, you better get started!”. Make of that what you will.
Scott can’t draw, either.
Today really is the day to make our Lord feel inadequate, as Scott and Chopper’s drawing skills are being put to the test by Laura. This all started with Scott bringing up some celebrity artwork that’s been put up for auction, most of the pieces are a bit okay, but Mackenzie Crook’s drawing of a ship is amezzin’. Konnie Huq’s (her off of Blue Peter) picture however, was another matter. I believe Chappers said “I’ll give you a fiver, but keep the painting.”. Anyway, Scott and Chappers had a few minutes during a song to draw a cat, an owl and a crocodile. The efforts were, frankly, abysmal. Chopper’s owl looked more like a penguin and Scott’s crocodile looked like, well, let’s just say it wouldn’t look out of place in a toilet. To check out these pictures you can go to Radio 1 online, and if you want to see some forum members’ efforts then go to Your Views on the forum.
Chicks dig musicians, or do they?
Now Scott’s got a friend who’s a drummer in a band. Not a very good band, apparently, but I digress (what’s new?). Anyway, girls, being the shallow lovelies they are, really dig guys who are musicians. But what Scott really wants to know is if that’s all musicians, or just drummers/guitarists/bassists etc? Where do we draw the line? Some musical instruments are, after all, a lot more attractive than others. Scott then demonstrated this with an amazing violin rendition of an Irish folk song. I’ve got to say, it wasn’t too sexy. Unless I was a leprechaun, then I’d be his. Scott also pulled off an astounding bassoon performance, followed by the accordion. But the real question on the lips (or fingers?) of those texting in was if Scott had ever blown a French horn…
Finally, Scott finishes the show with a story from across the pond, about a new brand of burglars. Imagine for a second, if you will, that you’ve just broken into a house, what do you steal? Cash? Jewellery? Electronics? Nope, nope and nope. You steal the oven door of course! Then pass it off for a plasma screen TV, making a quick $300. Those crazy Americans. Clever, but crazy none the less.
And so ends another Scott Mills Show, I’ve got to say, today was an absolute cracker. Listen tomorrow, when it’s Only Bley Friday, for the Wonder Years, and come along to Your Views and join in with the banter.
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