Scott and the team wage war on a frustrating mail order company by keeping their customer service rep on hold for over four minutes, complete with voice changers and an impersonation of Emeli Sande — then discover a bizarre pattern of listeners whose exes only date girls with specific names.
The show opens with Mark’s complaint about a mail order company that failed to deliver his shirt for months, kept him on endless hold, and provided poor customer service. To retaliate, Scott and the team call back and attempt to set a record for how long they can keep a customer service representative on the line without actually placing an order. Armed with a stopwatch and a voice changer, they ask about “wave shake sandals,” repeatedly put the rep on hold, and engage him in increasingly absurd conversations — including trying to get him to sing along to a made-up song. The rep remains remarkably patient and polite throughout, desperate to complete the sale, until Scott impersonates Emeli Sande saying “I’m gagging for one,” which finally causes him to hang up. The total time: four minutes and 27 seconds.
The second half shifts to a remarkable listener discovery: one caller had emailed about her ex-boyfriend from Glasgow who has exclusively dated girls named Laura — four of them in a row. As the team riffs on this pattern, another caller, Maddie, rings in to report an identical phenomenon: her friend Poppy is dating a boy whose previous girlfriends were called Daisy and Rose. Scott and the team joke about a “floral girlfriend conspiracy” and suggest Maddie’s number if things don’t work out with Poppy.
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