Scott and the team explore a dating website designed for cat lovers to find romantic matches, fielding caller Mrs. X who admits her cats have sabotaged previous relationships, while also running their signature “Pointless Survey” asking the public which celebrity they’d eat on a desert island.
The show kicks off with the regular “Pointless Survey of the Day” feature, this week exploring astrological signs and affairs, then moves into a more absurd version: which celebrity would you eat if stranded on a desert island with no food? The street interviews reveal a running joke—girls struggle to distinguish between finding someone attractive and actually wanting to eat them. Responses included Orlando Bloom, David Beckham, Brad Pitt, and Justin Timberlake, with one caller revealing she’d worked out how to kill and eat Justin using string. Boys’ answers were more logical: one suggested eating Jordan the model for the meat, another proposed Vicky Pollard hoping to absorb his talent, while another suggested Beth Ditto because “she’d be plenty to go round.” The survey concludes that 70% of girls would eat someone they fancy, and 100% of blokes are stupid.
The second half features a caller named Mrs. X who’s interested in a dating website for cat lovers to meet like-minded individuals. She admits her two cats have been dealbreakers in relationships—she requires boyfriends to appreciate them, cuddling and talking to them. She confesses to creating Facebook pages for both cats (which caused drama with friends who dislike cats), giving them Christmas presents, and letting them sleep on her bed. Scott gently notes these are classic signs of obsessive cat behaviour, but Mrs. X remains unfazed about finding a partner through the feline dating site.
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