The final season, The Final Chapter. Laura is home in York for the summer of 1998, back with Ben and about to find out their relationship has an end date.
11th August 1998
Ben came round straight from work and had a shower at the house, and Laura’s dad was in a mood about it, saying he found it intrusive in his own home. Laura thinks it’s far more intrusive that he walks around in his nightshirt and sprawls out on the lounge floor. Her dad’s favourite line at the moment is that she’s treating the house like a hotel, which she admits is exactly what she’s doing. Mary has a crush on Ben, made him a card covered in hearts signed “Love from Fox Mary”, and does her Ace Ventura impression whenever he asks.
19th August 1998
Laura and Ben went to Silks with Ralph and his new girlfriend, who showed Laura her mushroom tattoo in the toilets. Laura had seven bottles of Hooch, and Ben was so drunk she had to put him in a taxi after he was sick on her. The next day she decided to be honest and tell her dad she smokes socially in the pub. He told her she’d let him down and he hadn’t paid for private school for her to develop filthy habits. She pointed out that he smokes cigars at Christmas; he said that was different. She’d also realised the last song on Ben’s latest mixtape is U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, and is worried about what that means.
21st August 1998
Ben was restless in bed and Laura is almost sure she heard him groan “Charlotte” in his sleep. The only Charlotte they know is Callum’s girlfriend. She didn’t say anything because she didn’t want an argument, and is trying to convince herself it means nothing, although she notes that Charlotte’s eyes are too close together. P.S. Posh Spice is pregnant.
22nd August 1998
Laura went for a long walk in the rain to clear her head, then got told off by her dad for dripping mud up the stairs. Her dream book says hearing someone else’s name called means a break-up is coming. Taking inspiration from the Spice Girls’ Stop, she decided to ask Ben outright whether he fancies Charlotte. Geri left the Spice Girls and they were okay, so she will be too.
23rd August 1998
She asked him, and it went badly. Ben told her he wants to be single when he goes to university. Laura did the long-distance thing for her whole first year at Glasgow and can’t understand why he won’t do the same. She compares being in a relationship with no future to making the tastiest chocolate cake you’ve ever seen and not being able to eat it.
31st August 1998
Laura has decided to make Ben change his mind. She’s booked her highlights, plans to buy him presents and is going to be the best girlfriend ever. She’s upset he’d give everything up to snog someone during Freshers’ Week guilt-free, though she says snogging Alan doesn’t count because she only did it because she was missing Ben. She can’t ask her mum for advice, so she’s decided to write to Melanie C, as the Spice Girls are experienced women of the world. P.S. Wood pigeons are so annoying.
1st September 1998
Laura’s letter to Mel C, copied into the diary. She congratulates Mel on Viva Forever reaching number one, reassures her she’s not a stalker, and explains that when she’s unsure what to do she asks herself what a Spice Girl would do. She describes the mixtape, the name in Ben’s sleep and his plan to be single at university, says she thinks they might get married one day, and asks Mel to help her change his mind. She signs off inviting Mel to call if she’s ever in York or Glasgow. P.S. Congratulations to Posh and David Beckham.
8th September 1998
Ben said “Charlotte” in his sleep again. Laura is sure Charlotte must have been flirting with him and has poisoned his mind. She wrote him a poem:
“Sometimes I feel we’re so far apart,
But you are always in my heart.
You are always on my mind,
I know you find the words I had to find.
I’ve never felt like this before,
And I’ve never felt so sure.
I worry and panic that I’m not right,
I think of you when I’m alone at night.
Are there others you much prefer?
Whose advances I should deter?
Knowing exactly what they say,
Tempting you while the cat’s away.
I know I’d be stupid not to give this a go,
But it’s just so hard when you say there’s no tomorrow.
Why did you say the name of that harlot?
Do you have a hidden love of Charlotte?
I do believe in what will be, will be,
And maybe we may split up when you go to uni.
But not before I have tried all I can,
I am your lady and you are my man.”
P.S. Mel B is pregnant too now.
9th September 1998
After Ralph gave her a croggie back from town, Laura went to tell Callum what had been going on. She admits she made it sound worse than it was by saying she knew Charlotte had been flirting with Ben, because the name in his sleep alone wouldn’t get the result she needed. Callum wasn’t happy, agreed to give them some space and thanked her for letting him know. Laura feels better: now all she has to do is convince Ben to stay with her. P.S. No reply from Mel C yet.
11th September 1998
The final entry. Laura thinks she might be pregnant. Ben stayed over and, although they’re always careful, something went wrong. The family planning centre is closed, so they’re going to the drop-in centre tomorrow and Ben says he’ll go with her. She wants to tell her mum and can’t, wants to phone Ben and can’t in case their parents hear, and keeps touching her tummy. She hasn’t smoked all day, just in case. She can’t have a baby now: she has years left at university, hardly any money, a boyfriend who is going to dump her in two weeks, and a dad who will go mental. P.S. Still no letter back from Mel C.
Laura cried in the studio as Mary finished reading, and that was the end of Laura’s Diary.
Listen to Season 5
Week 1
Week 2