The hold button that does not hold anything
Scott had discovered a phone feature with a dangerous flaw: after putting somebody on hold, the caller could still hear everything being said in the studio. Naturally, he and Chris tested it on the controller of Radio 1.
They told their boss that they needed a moment to discuss his question, pressed the button and began performing for each other. He was described as a secret Jedward and pop fan who pretended to be serious, wore a questionable beard and probably read the Daily Star on the toilet. The joke depended on him hearing every word, but neither presenter had prepared for the moment he calmly revealed that he had.
Scott and Chris were summoned to his office. Listeners forecast P45s and reported severe activity in their cringe glands, while the pair spent the rest of the programme wondering whether Tuesday’s show would also be their last.
Nick Grimshaw comes back for another soaking
Nick Grimshaw returned to Innuendo Bingo, having previously played after a difficult night involving eggnog and very little sleep. This time he arrived in a Justin Bieber T-shirt and short shorts, apparently better prepared but no less vulnerable.
The clips included Queen Elizabeth I discussing her muff, curling commentary about sitting on somebody’s face, Suzi Perry admiring Jenson Button’s helmet and a Royal Marines band standing erect. An elderly cyclist took a while to come, The Hotel Inspector wanted more spunk and Ken Brown supplied some indecorous golf analysis.
Grimmy and Chris were drenched. The water, clothing and studio laughter made the game look ridiculous as ever, although Nick’s willingness to return suggested that the experience was becoming an unofficial Radio 1 duty.
G in the Park needs a Friday headliner
Greg’s festival continued overnight. Matty Healy and The 1975 had visited the tent at midnight, where they discovered the framed photograph of Matt Edmondson that Scott had hidden in Greg’s luggage. Viewers were following from around the world and Greg was already running short of sleep.
The larger problem was Friday night. With CHVRCHES unavailable, Greg asked listeners for a replacement headliner. Suggestions ranged from S Club 3 and Blazin’ Squad to DJ Luck & MC Neat, Gareth Gates and Big Mo. None quite offered the booking security of an established festival line-up, but all suited an event taking place beside BBC Scotland’s offices.
Charlie Sloth unveils his property empire
Charlie Sloth joined Real or No Real and discussed his proposed television format, Sloth’s Fat Pads, a modern property show in the spirit of Cribs. One member of Mumford & Sons was not secretly a meat eater, and a supposed attraction built around the “meat sweats” was invented. Brazilian football commentators really could use the length and pattern of a prolonged goal shout to identify the scorer.
Charlie’s enthusiasm for houses, food and broadcasting suggested that losing a Radio 1 afternoon job might not leave Scott and Chris entirely without career inspiration.
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