Chopsticks and a shop dog
A public piano had appeared in BBC reception, where one visitor was playing “Chopsticks” badly and at length. Scott argued that the invitation should include a minimum standard: anybody could play, but only if they were good. The performance accompanied the sight of a shop dog called Lion King escaping beneath a van before its owner recovered it.
The small reception drama became the opening spectacle for a day dominated by reviews, relatives and an unusually forceful game of Innuendo Bingo.
Pixie Lott brings Lay Me Down
Pixie Lott introduced “Lay Me Down”, whose video had been filmed in the south of France. Friends and relatives regularly appeared in her videos, while an old friend had supplied the spoken voice on “Nasty”. She was then invited to do something less glamorous: sit opposite Chris with a mouth full of water.
Pixie’s first Innuendo Bingo became exceptionally wet. Clips included Caroline Martin’s Bel End traffic report, Roy Hodgson discussing the Italian box, Clarence Seedorf asking somebody to come in as soon as possible, Simon Rimmer, Quentin Letts’s vegetable patch and cricket commentary about taking it up the slope.
Caroline Martin dominated again. Her account of three men restoring a studio light ended with a promise to “blow them every day”, producing another enormous spray. Pointless helped complete the soaking, and the game was dedicated to Caroline for continuing to supply lines that required almost no editing.
Puerile, childish, pathetic and proudly preserved
A newspaper review described the Red Button work as puerile, childish and pathetic, called it “utter garbage” and claimed that it had annoyed the BBC Sport team. Chris read every insult with a mixture of hurt and pride. For somebody who had treated the broadcasts as a career opportunity, the suggestion that professionals disliked them was difficult to dismiss.
His family interpreted the article differently. Auntie Trees left a voicemail saying how proud everybody was and bought the paper so it could go into the family scrapbook. Scott rang her and Auntie Ann, who regarded any national coverage as an achievement and were delighted that Chris had reached football television. The affectionate “Hi, Trees” greeting supplied an unavoidable gardening pun.
Chris still missed commentating and had assembled an emotional montage of the experience. The review had not weakened the campaign for one more game; it had given the family something tangible to keep.
The greatest football song ever, for now
Chris had become obsessed with X Ambassadors and Jamie N Commons’ “Jungle”, featuring Jay-Z, after hearing it on a football promotion. He called it possibly the greatest song ever made. Scott treated the verdict as the latest symptom of World Cup emotion rather than a settled piece of music criticism.
Greg James removes a finger-wagging emoji
Greg James joined Real or No Real. There were no plans for a sassy, finger-wagging emoji. Armin van Buuren really did have a waxwork DJ at Madame Tussauds, complete with equipment for visitors to use. An old law really did make “cycling furiously” an offence.
Union J were not staging a 24-hour Union Day presented by Natalie Cassidy. Scott won 20–10, while Chris remained more interested in finding another football match than in the score.
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